28 August 2007

You Know You're From Oregon When.... II

In honor of our upcoming trip to Oregon (two weeks!!), we at Yayin Tov present the second installment of "You know you're from Oregon when..."

You know you're from Oregon when:
You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal

You have no concept of humidity without precipitation

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat

You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall)

Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through a rain storm without flinching

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas

You blame everything wrong with the world on ex-Californians

You house or car has ever been damaged by a falling tree or mudslide

You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid

You only honk your horn if a collision is imminent and never for anything else

You wear fleece and long underwear to the beach (read: coast)

You have ever tried squirrel fishing (or know what it is)

You laugh at these.

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22 August 2007

You Know You're From Oregon When....

In honor of my upcoming trip to Oregon.....The first edition of:

You know you're from Oregon when...

You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.

You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

You know how to pronounce Mishikhwutmetunne, Coquille, Sequim, Siuslaw, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yachats, Yakima, and Willamette.

You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."

You notice, "The mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or people from California

You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.

You understand these.

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09 August 2007

כמה מילים - A Few Words

A few words as I pop out of 'editorial seclusion' (thanks for that one, mr. brendah) for a few moments.
Some things I saw in the past 168 hours:

-There is a street very near to my building (derekh namir, for those of you who know Tel Aviv). It is a main street, comparable to W. 11th or Franklin in Eugene, although mostly residential. Walking past on my way to work this morning, I noticed one of the signs on one of the buildings (most buildings, when listing the building number, also include the street name) said Derekh Haifa, instead of the current street name, Derekh Namir.

The road must have, at one point, been called Derekh Haifa because it is/was? a main road from Tel Aviv to Haifa, in the north of the city. Unfortunately, either no one has noticed that this older, still-inhabited building, has the old name on it when the building right next to it has the current name, or no one bothered to change it because, as we all know - it's not my problem; someone else will do it.

-Last Thursday night, I was waiting for a bus not far from my flat. A woman, probably only a few years older than I, walked by with a little furry thing that must have been a dog, although I am not sure on this point.

The dog-like creature stopped not two meters from me, squatted, and dispensed its little dark brown wares on the sidewalk. I looked at the woman, she looked at me, we both looked at the shit, and she continued walking. Perhaps, I thought to myself, I should have said something. What happened next confirmed my belief in the inter-connected nature of the universe, even as it relates to little piles of shit (excuse my Turkish).

As I was rehearsing in my mind how I could have made some comment or perhaps influenced the woman to pick up the shit with my limited Hebrew, I noticed a man walking in my direction, coming from the same direction the woman had. He was fairly tall and gangly, with too long limbs and clothes that seemed about to slip off his shoulders, older, with greasy black hair, papery skin, and shiny black shoes. I looked at him, looked at the shit, looked at him again, and realized with inner horror that he was walking in a dead straight line right toward the little pile of dog shit on the pavement. The soles of his shoes just rolled over and brushed the little pile. I made no movement, just watched. He slowed and his second foot hit the little piece he had just overturned. He didn’t notice – at all. I just chuckled to myself at the irony of it all.

Maybe I should have said something to the woman, or even warned the man, but, you know....

Now for the news:
-Apparently, the Pope wants to be friends with us. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought this one had shifty eyes...
-There's a hot new Israeli girl band. Hopefully they'll bring us something better than those Spice-y British chicks.
-BREAKING NEWS: The White House released a report disclosing that the president (yes W's still there, can't tell you why, but it's true) was (gasp!) treated for lyme disease LAST YEAR. OH DEAR! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU'RE KIDDING! IS HE OKAY?? Apparently he is, since this picture accompanied the CNN story:

You know, I'm sure it's on everyone else's minds, and I am just asking the obvious question, but how does he find time to run a country with all of those bike trips and polyp removals (oops!) Oh wait, but I forgot, Dick actually runs the country. Phew! I was worried there for a second. Come to think of it, that guy on the right is clearly Lance Armstrong, but the other chap doesn't look at all like ol' dubya. What is CNN up to, anyway?

Well, that's about it. I swear I had something else to put here, but I got distracted by all the President's polyps.

Signing off.

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