12 August 2006

Dinner on Me

Last night, Jena & Adam and Laura & Barry came over for dinner. I cooked. The parents cleaned up. Very therapeutic. Then we all went to Sweet Life for dessert. It all added up to quite a decadent evening.


Here’s the Israeli salad recipe, the best I’ve ever made:
4 small plum tomatoes
2 cukes, peeled
3 scallions
1/2 cup parsley
1/4 cup fresh mint
1/4 cup fresh dill
3-4 tbsp olive oil
1 lemon

I personally would have used more tomatoes, but maybe my cukes were just too big. The most important part of Israeli salad is chopping the veggies very small. Not fine, just small. The dill was particularly good with the mint and cucumbers.
I also made spiced roast lamb and roasted red peppers and feta, but those aren’t kosher, especially together, so it’s better not to say anything about them, in case I am ever audited by the “Are-you-Converted-Enough-Inquisition-Society-of-Jews-for-the-Purity-of-Keeping-out-non-Orthodox-Converts”.


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A Solution to Katyushas?

While on Haaretz’s Link English edition website, reading about Olmert’s decision to (finally, to Israelis) authorize the implementation of the IDF’s full-scale ground offensive, I saw this advertisement, placed so very conveniently in the middle of the story.



How absurd! I said to myself. I have to check this out. Remember that Haaretz is a relatively liberal Israeli newspaper, not one known for any type of religious sympathies. So, being the curious cat that I am, I clicked on the ad. This is what I found on the page to which I was sent:

“For thousands of years it has been proven that the Jewish people have the ability to 
incapacitate and destroy their enemies through 
increased Torah study and prayer.

Sign up now for weekly Torah commentaries.

We invite you to participate in over 15,000 online classes that are currently being attended by about 100,000 people around the world every week.”

What?? I thought I was being sent to a site where I could buy M-26 rockets and nukes in bulk!
Instead I am being told that my clicking on this picture and studying Torah from these people has some supernatural effect on whether or not cities in Northern Israel are bombarded with rocket attacks.
The message is clear, I don’t even need to spell it out for you, but I will: ‘For thousands of years’, the Jewish people have been subject to persecution and torment from their enemies, but they were not defeated. How do we know this? The Jewish people, as a nation, still exist today. The Jewish people were able to ‘incapacitate and destroy their enemies’, i.e. win.
How did they do this?
How did they finagle getting thousands of slaves out of Egypt, one of the most technologically and architecturally advanced societies at that time? Okay, maybe the Egyptians weren’t that good at security. They should take some help from Israel.
How did the Jewish people manage to retain their cohesiveness in exile when all evidence pointed to a contrary outcome, one that plagued the Northern tribes after they were defeated and dispersed by the Assyrians in the 8th century BCE, namely assimilation?
How did a small but highly organized and motivated Jewish community in pre-Israel Palestine defeat the armies of six nations and declare independence less than a decade after six million were killed in Europe?
The solution, according to this organization – Yad Avraham (“Hand of Abraham”) is that the Jewish people were able to defeat their enemies because they were engaged in ‘increased Torah study and prayer’.
At some level, this is an accurate claim, although there are some holes to fill.
True enough, one of the reasons the Jews did not fall prey to the ills of assimilation and loss of identity was their Torah study and prayer. By the common era (0 CE), the Jews had a codified collection of writings known as the Tanakh (an acronym for the three sections – Torah (Law), Nevi’im (Prophets) and Ketuvim (Writings)), also known as the Hebrew Bible or New Testament to Christians. By 500 CE, the Babylonian Talmud, the fundamental source of Jewish law, was completed. Jewish communities around the world also followed a similar liturgy in synagogue and in daily prayer. Thus Torah study of a standard codification of Jewish law, such as the Talmud, and prayer of a similar liturgy and content, served to united Jewish communities around the world, whether they lived in Lisbon, Bialystok, Cairo, or New York City. This unity allowed the Jewish people to ‘incapacitate and destroy’ the evils of assimilation and loss of identity, which, for the Jewish people, meant extermination.
In this sense, Yad Avraham’s claim that Torah study and prayer were for the Jewish people what General Patton was for the US in WWII.
In another very important sense, I reject the notion that studying Torah will destroy Hizbullah. Torah study did not save the Jews of Europe from the gas chambers, and to my knowledge, prayer did not avert atrocities such as the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition and the massacre of Israeli athletes by Black September at the 1972 Munich Olympics. Pious, righteous and Torah-studying Jews wi
The other side of this claim disturbs me as well. If the Jewish people are not engaged in ‘increased Torah study and prayer’, bad things will happen. In other words, if there are atrocities, if Jews are killed or seemingly unable to annihilate their enemies, they are being punished for not engaging in these activities – for not studying Torah.
I accept that the study of Torah for its own sake has united the Jewish people, giving them strength and wisdom, but I reject the notion that lack of Torah study has brought the Katyushas or that, by studying Torah, I can stop them. Maybe I am too much of a skeptic.


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25 July 2006

Potty Training the Neighbors


So, I have been sitting here reading my morning news, and the neighbor kid (in the backyard behind us) will NOT stop screaming. Apparently he didn't tell mom that he had 'to potty'. All I got from the punctuated syllables between the sobs was "I wa.....nt sbusbsb!!" Mom, with her hands on her hips: "Are you gonna tell me next time you have to go potty?" "Yeeeess! Sob!" "Grab your pants then, right over there!" Potty training! Whew! That's one part of parenting I'd rather skip. Don't they just come out that way?
Okay, now we're getting somewhere. He finally stopped the screaming. What is it that causes kids to scream like that? Sometimes I feel like screaming, but I don't. Do these kids feel the same way and just express it more openly? Do they have no concept of the social stigma on screaming at the top of your lungs, tearing off all your clothes and running around with tears running down your cheeks?

22 July 2006

What do you do when it's 100 degrees (Farenheit)??

Look at me! I'm floating!


Ahhh! There's a fish nibbling on my belly button! Ouch! Stop!

(Thrashing, splashing. Joanna gets pulled under, is gone for a whole minute. She reemerges, having defeated the trout.



Dad quickly builds a fire and roasts the little bugger. When it has burned to a savory crisp, Sir Oliver sneaks up from behind and steals their dinner. He swallows it whole. Is there more? Urp.)

18 July 2006

Rubber Bands


Meet Zorro - quite dignified, majestic and arrogant to boot. Never has such a magnificent animal, no, being ever existed or will ever come into being again (you might say it's all in his head).
But Zorro has a secret, a fetish, if you will. Zorro, the masked cat of mystery, the fierce feline fighter, the mighty hunter, eats rubber bands.
"A cat that eats rubber bands," you say. "Absurd! Unheard of!"
You don't believe it?
Neither do I.
Mother is convinced that Zorro has a secret stash somewhere, where he deposits all the rubber bands he captures. Know where it is, mom? It's called a litter box. Yick!
It's really turning into a problem. Not a few times have I been awoken by a great tuxedo-clad beast standing on my chest, sniffing all over my neck. Oops! Forgot to take the rubber band out from under my pillow. That could have been fatal!
The funniest part of this...er...thing are the comic strips that have been turning up in the funnies lately. Seems that someone else has the same fetish. See the 'Get Fuzzy' strips below:






Maybe I need to take Mr. Zorro to therapy with me tomorrow...

I'm baa-aack!


Where did I go? Uh, nowhere. Well, I started this blog last year in a fit of whining about my boss at the YMCA. I lasted three posts. I think two people have read my blog. Me...and one other guy who left some comment about my first post. He said it was good...obviously he didn't read it. LIAR!!
Seriously, I have a much er shall we say more constructive reason for keeping this blog up to date. I grew up in Eugene (with a seven year stint an hour up the freeway in Salem), OR. (That's Orygun for you poor pronunciation-challenged people. NOT AR-E-GAN). And I am making the big move overseas in about two months. Moving to Israel. You may think I am crazy, especially with all the Hizbullah stuff going on right now, but I am not. We'll just leave it at that.
I thought it would be a good idea ('cause I am just smart like that) to keep an online journal with art (photos) and letters (entries) to let the people back here in the states in on the secret of my life in Israel. I'll try to post regularly, and I have started early so I can let you all know (maybe) just what it is like for someone like me to make such a huge move (yikes).
Well, that's it. Happy hunting!!
Signing off

21 November 2005

She's my what? My manager? My boss??

So, I went to work tonight without a care in the world and no plans whatsoever to terminate my position as a lifeguard at the YMCA.
There's a reason I work in the evening and not during the day, and it's not because I am in school. Hey, I'm in college; I could work most of the day if I wanted to. No, it's not that. It's my boss, JM. I don't go to work until 7pm so there will be absolutely no chance I will have to work with my boss in the building. "It couldn't be that bad", you ask, innocently, "could it?" Oh, trust me, it could. What I knew before tonight, what problems I had with my boss, all minor issues, nothing to quit over. Besides, I am not a quitter. I don't fall back unless there's no other option or unless the situation becomes hazardous to my health.
It wasn't bad enough that JM just became a lifeguard in February 2005 and then was hired as the aquatics director four months later. If you work in this business, you know what I am talking about. Imagine a lawyer fresh out of law school being hired as the attorney general and you might begin to get a glimpse of how aggrivating it must be to have this person tell me (a lifeguard for going on 6 years) what to do and how to do my job. It's pretty pathetic.
Furthermore, since she took the helm of our humble aquatics facility in June, JM has instituted monthly inservices. These are short sessions in which we are tested on, or practice, our skills. Does it bother anyone else that, in regard to these essential-for-lifesaving skills, JM is the worst lifeguard I have ever seen???
As if all this weren't enough, JM doesn't seem to give a shit about anyone's life but her own. Okay for regular employees, bad bad bad for managers (are you taking notes?)..the details would only make you more upset (like when I told her my parents were getting divorced and I was crying, she said, "well, it happens. get out there and guard". It happens?? Oy!).

All of this wasn't enough to make me quit (it's much more complicated than I can squeeze in here), what I found out tonight made me want to vomit my brains and scratch my eyeballs out.
A little while ago, our most valuable employee (BW), who also certified us in our skills (the only one who could do this), was suddenly fired. That's right, she didn't quit; JM fired her. Why? Only one person knows, and her lips are sealed, reasonably so. Supposedly, when the now-ex-employee BW was teaching JM, the one who fired BW, her lifeguarding skills for her certification, JM failed the test. That's right, she failed the test. "But wait", you say. "She's a lifeguard now. She must have passed!" Nope, try again. Here's what happened. After JM failed the test, the Director of the Y, DP, forced BW to pass her, paving the way for her to be hired as the Aquatics Director. How sickening!!!! It wouldn't be so bad, except the conspiracy theorist in me sees the connection between this devious circumstance and BW being fired. JM had to fire her, was waiting for a reason to fire her, so BW wouldn't say anything about what happened. Now, if BW says anything about it, her story will be labeled as that of a 'disgruntled employee', end of story.
Now you see why I need a new job?
Oy vey! Good night!

tiferet