iLife

AHHHHH!

2009-03-03T22:28:00.000-08:00

I'm getting a bit stressed here.

OK, so I'm getting really stressed and scared and nervous. I know, I know. I'm supposed to be tough and fearless. After all, I conquered Tel Aviv, didn't I?

I have a major Math midterm tomorrow that I have just now begun reviewing for, major because I was so sick for the first one and did so poorly on it that I absolutely have to do well on this one. My instructor opts to drop our lowest midterm score (don't ask me why there is more than one MIDterm, since the very essence of the word implies ONE exam in the MIDdle of the TERM - that's ALWAYS bugged me), which I'm sure he thinks is very nice and generous of him, but it also means that if you're super sick for one of them, you have no leeway on the other ones.

I wouldn't be exagerating if I said that my math skills are hara (sh*t in Hebrew - actually pronounced with the guttural ch at the back of the throat, like CHAra; it's a very phonetic and sounds exactly like what it is). Maybe they're not all that bad, but they're at least as rusty as an old Model-T that has sat through a century of NW rain. My math skills have always been one of those things we don't talk about. We know it's bad, but we just leave it at that.

Bio, on the other hand, is fascinating and, despite my B in the class right now, is actually something I think I'll be pretty good at once I get further into the field. Unfortunately, I'd like to commit ritual biology suicide in my lab right now (don't question the analogy, just go with it). I have an absolutely HUGE, DAUNTING and TERRIFYING lab paper due on Friday and I, the fearless world conquerer, am getting scared.

Yes, I have started it. Yes, I have talked to the instructor about it. But it's really freaking me out. Mostly because with work and other classes I actually have NO TIME TO DO IT. Basically, 30 minutes tonight, an hour tomorrow between class and work, and a few hours in the morning on Thursday before work is all I have. Can someone please tack on a few more hours to this week???

I'm not the only one freaking out. One of my lab group members actually sent out an email to the class today, which read, "This is basically a desperate cry for help... I've been struggling with this paper for a while..."

I have no idea what's going to happen. I could sacrifice sleep, but we all know that doesn't happen, ever. It's just not an option. No way, jose.

Deep breaths.....

Onward.

Image courtesy of http://spiritualtravelman.wordpress.com/ whether he likes it or not.

It'SNot What You Think

2009-02-19T09:57:00.000-08:00

Among the less well-know casualties of teaching swimming lessons to little tykes are internal bleeding and black eyes from getting kicked in various places while teaching (what else?) kicking; severely itchy skin from sitting in a bath of chlorine for more than two hours a day; and getting sick.

The first one I haven't experienced in years, but the second two continue to plague me.

Why would you get sick from being around kids in a pool? You might ask.. It's not like in daycare where, if they don't wash their hands every five minutes, the group of preschoolers becomes a veritable incubus of viral plague. You're in chlorine. It should kill it all.
You know what? It should, but it doesn't.
On the contrary.
See, when these little kids (of whom I have over 20 on Mondays and Wednesdays and over 30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays) are swimming - doing various kicking exercises with a floatie stick to support their arms or trying desperately to swim front crawl - and come up for air, it's usually right in my face.

And what goes right in my face when they come up for air? Spit, sneezing, coughing, snot, water etc.

I know. Really gross.

There were a few specific instances last week when the kid came up for air and spit, just as I was opening my mouth to say something, and the spit went right in my mouth. Not a loogie (sp?) or anything like that. Just a full spray-blast of water and other unknowns from their mouth and into mine, complete with all the little bacteria and viral yuckies (that's a technical term) that come along with little kids.

Now you wonder why I'm sick?

Oh yeah, maybe it's also because of my schedule - working 35 hrs/week on top of school. But I prefer to blame it on the spit.

Photo courtesy of http://nhsblogdoc.blogspot.com/

Career Bay-watch-er

2009-02-07T23:19:00.000-08:00

Just a little update, since I can't seem to be able to pull myself away from my beloved Macbook and the NYTimes and thought I might as well do something useful in the meantime.

Tomorrow will see my first official shift guarding at the SW Pool and Community Center. I'm excited - for the work, not for the life guarding.

Lifeguarding for me is like the old, wrinkled shirt you have to wear because it's time to do laundry and you didn't plan well enough to have time to do it before you had to wear the old wrinkled shirt (or the old, non-date-worthy, haven't-seen-the-light-of-day-in-six-months underwear). We didn't plan very well, and the economy is like my overdue laundry, and lifeguarding is that old, wrinkled shirt that I have to wear because there's just nothing better lying around in this walk-in closet known as my life.

It's generally boring, hot, humid, mind-numbing work. Not like Baywatch. Nothing like Baywatch. In fact, the most exciting thing that will happen tomorrow (with any luck) will be a bloody nose from some lap swimmer getting kicked in the face by an aqua jogger lady or maybe the pH level in the pool will be too high and I'll have to go back in the labyrinthine mechanical room and flip a switch.

Still, it's not all bad.

It's a paycheck. It's sitting in my bathing suit for hours on end. It's getting to swim and workout for free anytime I want at a very nice, yuppie facility (free yoga and pilates, free cardio and weights etc). It's getting a free water bottle. It's getting an intimate look (and smell) at some little tyke's breakfast... Ok, this is going downhill fast.

Oh, and I just realized I have a math midterm this week. SH********************************T! So much for planning ahead...

Really? Oh dear...

2009-01-31T19:13:00.000-08:00

Wow, so...long time no post. Yeah, yeah, I know. I've been busy. Alright?

I didn't realize until I surfed on over to my own blog how long it's been since my last post. When I saw the last post I knew I had to update you right away.

So, the roommate situation didn't work out.

That's an understatement.

The roommate situation was a veritable disaster.

I'm quite proud of myself for the way I handled it, emotionally, logistically. You know sometimes you wonder if you're making any progress at all in being a better person and working on your "stuff?" This was one of those situations that showed me that I have. One of the few good things that came out of it.

Anyway. The last time I posted, I had just moved into a three bedroom house in SW Portland. I found the room listing on Craigslist. After telling one of my uncles about my roommate disaster, he said something to the tune of, 'That's your problem. Don't you know that? Only idiots use Craigslist."

Well, that may not be entirely true, and there may be some perfectly lovely, normal, intelligent people who post things on Craigslist. Unfortunately, I didn't find one of them.

Soon after moving in, it was clear that the situation was not going well. I'm not going to list all of the things that happened, because, frankly I'm tired of talking/thinking about them. There was something neurotic with some ugly towels she had hanging in the kitchen that NO ONE was allowed to use. (What else do you put towels in the kitchen for, people?) There was something else with three big and extremely ill-mannered pooches, with whom I was perfectly comfortable - just not in my room, in my stuff, in my way ALL THE TIME. So I told the dogs to move (so they wouldn't eat my shoes) and get out of my way (so I wouldn't fall down the stairs) and shut up (so they would stop barking so loud) one too many times and the roommate got pissed off. She said only SHE was allowed to talk to them like dogs. (Yeah, but you don't lady. That's why someone else HAS to.)

She told me "I just don't see how it's going to work. There's too many things."

I said, "Are you trying to tell me you want me to move out?"

"Yes, yes, that's what I mean."

"I'd like to try to work it out. I don't think you're being fair."

Hesitation, "OK."

But I've yet to mention the weirdest and most appalling aspect of this whole situation (appalling to me anyway).

In the midst of a very long and tense conversation about her wanting me to move out, she had the audacity to say, "You know, I'm a Christian. I believe in Jesus. I believe that's the only way to salvation, and I can't have someone living in the same house going around blessing things all the time. It's just too much different-ness. You know that not everything in this house is blessed."

In other words, judenraus!

Her euphanism for "Jew, get out of my house" was "I just can't have someone living in the same house going around blah blah blah."

Really?

Like, really?

You really think it's OK to think that and say things like that to people?

A friend of mine had a humorous take on the situation.

This girls is so wacky that she belongs on an episode from Seinfeld or Friends - she is truly comic material. The good news is that you're not living with her. If she's this way that soon into the roommate relationship, imagine what would happen over time.

I'd say her response to you is pretty unfathomable. She may really just dislike Jews that much. If so, why didn't she raise this issue sooner?

Perhaps one of her church friends just recently told her how dangerous we are. (Haha)
But it could be something totally different - some screw got knocked loose in her brain so that she just needed to get you out of her life, and she made up the psycho Christian story as a cover. Maybe you remind her of the sister with whom she's had a lifelong, bitter rivalry. (Oh, sad.)
Maybe she developed an immediate crush on you, and doesn't want to admit that she's gay. (Hahaha)
Maybe she got a new boyfriend and wants him to live in your room. For any of these reasons, she didn't want to tell you the truth, so a religious lie was easier. Who knows?! The good news is, you're outta there, safe and sound.

Although she agreed to "give it a try," I called her the next morning and told her I'd be out by the end of the week. I was just so appalled I didn't quite know what to say.

Fortunately, my aunt and uncle were kind enough to let me crash at their place in Beaverton until I could move into my new place, which I did two weekends ago.

I have to say. After all of this crap, after moving almost five times in the last three months, after being told I couldn't stay in someone's house because I'm Jewish, I am SO HAPPY to have my own place. No psycho roommates, no ill-mannered pets, no nonsense.

Now I'm just waiting for my life to return to some semblance of normality. Trying to pass math, working hard in Bio, re-certing in life guarding, planning my next trek to Israel.

For, with love, all things are possible.

2008-12-30T17:51:00.001-08:00

On December 21, I (un)officially moved into my new digs in P-town. I currently have one roommate (the third girl moves in next week), who, on her own, has three large dogs and one little feisty cat. The cat, named Ethel (sp?) has an insatiable obsession with my bed, claws me and whines whenever I try to move her and is at this moment walking back and forth across my laptop, begging for attention.

The cat's ok. While roomie #1 (henceforth known as R1 to protect her identity) was away in Kentucky for the holidays, the cat and I bonded. I like to think this little claw-er / biter / spitter actually genuinely likes me. But I know it's just because I'm in the room she likes. She has a thing for laying on top of ANYTHING that's lying around -- whether it's my book on top of my bed, the pillow next to my head while I'm sleeping, my bathrobe on the bathroom counter -- then she looks up at me with this look that says, "I'm the queen here, and don't you forget it."

The weekend I moved in, Portland was in the midst of a veritable blizzard (from which I had to be rescued twice). Thus, we moved in in such a frenzied hurry, that we left a couple of marks on the walls and some crumbs on the counter. Oh yeah, and we also used the towels in the kitchen to wipe some stuff up from the counter.

This wasn't a big deal - or at least it wouldn't have been had the following incident not occurred. On our way up to Portland, we figured out that we wouldn't arrive in time for R1 to be there when we showed up, as she had to work. So she said she'd leave a key and kennel the dogs "because I'm concerned about them not knowing you - they're very protective of the house," she said (or texted actually).

In the midst of the move, and having seen the two big dogs stuck in their sorry cold cage in the garage, I texted R1 asking her if I could "let the dogs out because they look sad." "Yes," she replied. "If you could let them out to go poddy (sic) that would be great."

Now, we weren't even speaking a foreign language here, but something got lost in translation. We (me, parents, bf's hubby) all assumed (when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME) that she meant we could let them out period. As in, we don't have to kennel them anymore, because they're not going to bite us. That was the original reason for kenneling them. Right?

Wrong.

Oh, how very wrong I was.

I was set to be snowed in with the Best Friend that night and the following night, so we let the dogs go potty, left them in the house and went on our way.

That night, I got a call from R1.

"Did you let the dogs out?"

Duh.

"Yes...Was I not supposed to?"

"I always keep them kenneled."

"Oh, I'm sorry. It was a mis-communication. I feel terrible."

"There is pee and poop EVERYWHERE."

"Wow. Really....?"

Actually, this is the short version of a 30-minute long conversation with R1, consisting mostly of apologies and damage control for something that was a simple misunderstanding. I felt bad, really. But I was more upset about not being able to fix it and not being able to prove that I wasn't some irresponsible wack-job roommate who was set to cause her more anguish than her previous one did (if that's possible).

So I decided to make good.

While she was in Kentucky, I vacuumed the ENTIRE house -- and let me tell you, it was disgusting; three dirt containter empties disgusting -- and washed all the windows and dusted the living room and cleaned the kitchen.

Ok, so really, I don't have a life. But she was so happy, so incredibly happy. Not just that the house was cleaned, but that I had proved that I am who I say I am. And I'm not a psycho wack-job. And I didn't just do it because I wanted her to like me (I'm not a fan of drowning in pet hair), although showing her love was a big part of it.

Just goes to show how a little bit of love can go a long way.

Chrisma-Hanu-Kwanzi-kah

2008-12-25T23:31:00.000-08:00

So, a bunch of rockets aimed at Israel with timers set to go off Thursday night were found by the Lebanese army patrolling in southern Lebanon (everyone swears Hizbullah is not involved); Santa Claus shot and burned a bunch of revelers at a Christmas Eve party in California; Portland, the city I moved to last weekend, has been turned into a veritable snow globe by the worst winter storm since 1968, or probably earlier; and I'm getting up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to go shopping on one of the most psycho shopping days of the year.

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

I read a story on Black Friday about a bunch of shoppers who got trampled at a Wal-Mart during a pre-Christmas shopping frenzy. One worker was killed, if I remember correctly. Another victim sued, saying that the employees didn't do enough to help the tramplees from the icy snow boots of the tramplers. Fortunately, I'm not going to Wal-Mart tomorrow. UNfortunately, the Mom is. At 6 am.....

So, the big story (embedded in the tale of woe above) is that I moved to Portland last weekend. In the middle of a blizzard. With both the car and truck full of my stuff, we had to stop on the side of I-5 so the Dad could put the chains on (yay Dad!). It took us four hours to make a trip that usually takes an hour and 45 minutes.

After unloading both cars, the Dad and I drove out to Oregon City to pick up a bed I had bought on Craigslist for $65. It took us about two hours round trip (probably takes about 45 mins in normal circumstances).

It was really only worth the incredibly low price I paid for a perfectly decent mattress + box springs + frame, the warm and gooey chocolate chip peanut butter cookies we got from the sellers and the priceless experience of driving through the blazing snow with my dad while listening to Christmas music.

The only problem is, I don't really feel like I've moved to Portland. On Saturday night, which should have been my first night in my new house, I was snowed in with the Best Friend at her apartment -- until Monday afternoon, when we were rescued by her hubby and his dad. The hubby gave me a ride to my house on Monday, through the blizzard, and then my parents came to rescue ME on Tuesday (still snowing) -- so that I wouldn't be stuck alone for the holiday (the one I don't even celebrate).

I don't know about you, but my life is just really weird......

Gonna go light the chanukiah now.

Happy and merry...

A quote for today

2008-12-22T10:29:00.000-08:00

When you are inspired by some great purpose,
some extraordinary project,
all your thoughts break their bonds.
Your mind transcends limitations,
your consciousness expands in every direction,
and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.
Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive,
and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far
than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

--Attributed to the ancient seer, Maharishi Patanjali

Winter, Winter, Go Away...And Don't Come Back

2008-12-15T21:15:00.000-08:00

I'm snowed in.

I've got no motivation, no energy and no desire to do anything but sit on my butt and watch TV.

I watched Enemy of the State and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, and it's only nine o'clock. Now I'm watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The funny, weird, psycho one with Johnny Depp. My favorite line is when he says, "Everything in this room is eat-able. Even I am eat-able. But that is called cannibalism, children, and it's frowned upon in most societies."

So, I know that I could be reading a book or doing something productive...But I've been sucked into the capitalist consumerism of the post-modern boob-tube filled American superpower world. (There I go again, blaming someone, or something else, for my problems.)

Anyway, maybe we all just need a day to sit around and vegg.

Any maybe I'm just lazy.

I hate winter.

Blue Moo, No More Bored

2008-12-14T12:00:00.000-08:00

I'm really into the blue today. Can you tell?

I wonder if there's some rule as to how often you can change your blog colors and still maintain some semblance of continuity. I wonder if you're not supposed to change it at all.

I just get bored with the same colors and designs all the time. Is that so bad?

I used to get bored with life too. I believed that it was 'someone else's' responsibility to entertain me, to pique my interest, not realizing that that 'someone else' was supposed to be me. But thank goodness I finally realized that. Imagine spending every day waiting for someone to bring excitement into your life, waiting for someone to introduce you to new things AND to make sure that you're excited by those new things. It doesn't work very well, it's a very sad way to live and it creates incredible strain on relationships.

Because I subconsciously believed that everyone else in my life was responsible for making my life interesting, I was like a leech. Leeches suck their hosts dry and give nothing back, which is what I was doing by not contributing my part in the relationship.

Now I'm rarely bored with life - and if I begin to 'feel bored,' instead of lamenting the boringness of my life and depressing myself over the fact that my life is so boring, I remind myself that, if I think my life is boring, then I'm not doing enough to keep myself engaged with the fascinating moments of every day.

Being bored also comes out of an assumption about this moment. It assumes that this moment is devoid of possibility, that is the same as the last moment and that I have no control over my circumstances or the future.

If we are bored (or angry, or depressed, insert any emotion), it is because we choose to be bored.

And if we can't control our emotions, we must be addicted to them.

There's food for thought.

Kling-Ons

2008-12-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

Ok, I freely admit that I don't have that much experience in the dating game. I usually dump boys after a couple of dates when I realize how immature and wrong for me they are.

So when I say I'm having a little trouble interpreting this one, I admit that it may very well be my lack of experience.

In the last 24 hours, I've received at least 30 text messages from a guy I've been on two dates with -- that's three times I've actually laid eyes on him in my entire life. Two of those text messages asked me, in order, do I want kids, and can I do a long-distance relationship.

Is it just me or is this a little strange? Is it normal to ask someone if they want to have kids after the second date AND THEN ask them if they can handle a long-distance relationship?

Granted, I am moving to Portland next weekend, which means if we want to continue seeing each other, it will take a lot more effort, but isn't it a little early to be talking about a 'relationship?' Don't people usually do a long-distance thing AFTER they've already established a relationship?

And I know that it normally takes me a long time to get 'attached.' I can break up with someone after a month and not be sad at all, and, while I admit that's not an entirely admirable quality to boast about, this guy's 'clinginess' is really turning me off.

Chauvinism's Posterboy

2008-12-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

Ever hear of a men's rights party?

Neither had I, until I came across this article in the Israeli news source Yedioth Aharonoth, quoting the party's leader as saying that "Feminists are destroying [the] country."

Now, don't get me wrong. I believe we should support our brothers as much as our sisters, and I love men as much as the next woman, but I can think of about twenty things off the top of my head that would come before the advocation of women's rights in the list of things that are destroying Israel.

The army? The rightists? Olmert? Corruption? Crippling bureaucracy?

In a developed nation in which women still on average make less money than men for the same amount of work, in which there are religious women who are stuck single because their husbands refuse to give them a divorce and in which prostitution and violence against the fairer sex are rampant, it's no surprise that this party has tried for years to get the votes from the people it needs for seats in the parliament - and has consistently failed.

"I'm not against women but nature has rules: The man should be on top, there should not be equality," the party chairman said, as quoted by ynet.

He says he's not a chauvinist, but unless I'm mistaken, he's a good candidate for being elected chauvinism's posterboy.

Free Stuff is Still Stuff...But it's Free!!!

2008-12-11T19:31:00.001-08:00

I'm so excited! I just mailed my request to get FREE GMAIL STICKERS!!!

Ok, ok, I know. Who cares? And, like my former editor always said, free sh#@ is still sh#@. But, Danielle, I would say, it's FREE!

Anyway, I'm excited about getting the stickers -- and all it cost me was the two stamps to mail the envelopes.....

Wait a minute...

That wasn't free at all!!!

Photo courtesy of the Official Gmail Blog.

The Success of Instinct -- and Unclear "Date" Status

2008-12-10T18:15:00.001-08:00

Wow, what a looong day. I can't believe it's only 6 pm. I swear it's already midnight and I'm really up waaay past my bedtime.

The Mom and I got up early this morning and drove to Portland for my meeting with a new potential client. The good news is, despite having forgotten to print out any writing samples or a copy of my resume, he wants me to do some work for him, editing a marketing booklet that he's put together. Always exciting to have the prospect of income when you've got none.

This client is the one I met in a bar - a fact that I love. Although this may seem quite normal, I'm trying to train myself not to take the little "normal" things in life for granted. I think the circumstances and the timing are more than mere coincidence - which I don't believe in anyway - and are a prime example of the vast realm of possibilities surrounding us every moment of every day.

Many of us think we are confined into certain situations and ways of life because "that's just the way it is," and we don't realize that there is an infinite number of possibilities if we would only open our eyes and minds and see them. For example, when I met this client, I had just arrived back in Oregon, had gone up to Portland to pick up the Best Friend from work and was walking with her to catch the bus. We turned the corner, walked past this restaurant/bar, and she said she had always wanted to try it. So we stopped, thought about it, and walked in. Next thing we know, we're sitting at the bar, having drinks bought for us, and I have a potential client for freelance writing.

Simple coincidence? Unlikely. I found exactly what I was looking for - a work opportunity and a very good professional contact - exactly when I needed it, when I followed my instinct and walked into what some would call an unlikely place for a "divine" encounter.

After the preceding long detour and moral story, Mom and I went and filled out an application with the Portland Renters Service. They run background and credit checks on potential renters on behalf of landlords. Apparently if you're a convicted felon - even if you've been out of trouble for 20 years - they won't rent to you. I guess I'll have to find some place to put that kid I took last year. Is kidnapping a felony?

Lastly, we drove over to the SW Community Center and Pool, where I should be able to start lifeguarding (grimace) after I finish my E&A guarding course in a couple of weeks. Boy, that's going to be a fun one - sitting through an entire four-day course on how to do something that I've been doing for six years, all because I have a certification through the Red Cross and not Ellis & Associates, which Portland uses. Can't they just teach me how they do spinals differently? Apparently not...

Wish me luck on that one, and let the boredom begin!

Once I'm enlightened, maybe I'll realize an infinite realm of possibility even in something like that.

OH! I almost forgot the most important part of the day. We went out to lunch with the Best Friend at this killer Lebanese restaurant called Habibi. It's on 10th and Madison downtown in P-town. We had the ground beef kebab (ketsitsot in Hebrew) on seasoned rice, with salad and really yummy turkish coffee and baklava for dessert.

Having lived in the Middle East, my standards for food claiming to be from that area are quite high, and I am proud to say that Habibi tasted VERY authentic.

Now I'm going to call the boy and see if I can't reschedule our "date"** to coffee tomorrow morning. Is that totally horrible? I'm just so fried! And I'd rather see him when I'm at 100% and not when I'm fighting just to stay awake - especially when this is only "date" number 2.

**Status of meetings unclear. Could be date, could be casual. He's been texting A LOT. Does that make it more serious? Is there some kind of booklet that will tell me this kind of stuff? Where is it?

Sore...And Happy

2008-12-09T20:05:00.000-08:00

Just went and worked out. It felt so good.
Especially when I'm really busy, I resist going to exercise, thinking that I'd prefer to stay home and keep working. But I find that once I actually go and loosen my mind and move my body, I become ten times more productive once I come back to the work.
I don't know what it is - maybe the simple, rhythmic movement of my feet on the treadmill, the blood pumping faster through my system, the rapid breathing and increased oxygen flow to my brain. I do know physiologically that when we work out, our bodies release endorphins to address the stress to our muscles, and I know this is proven to lift the mood, but I always forget and keep resisting the workout.
But, DEAR LORD, it feels so good.

I have a meeting in Portland tomorrow morning with Tim Phillips, the CEO and founder of Phillips & Co., a local wealth management firm. I originally met him and his "guys" (employees) at a bar Jena and I went to near her work in downtown Portland. She and I were sitting pretty at the bar, and the bartender came over to us and, as if we were in a movie, said very suave-ly that the gentlemen at the corner of the bar wanted to buy us drinks.
Those gentlemen happened to be the core of this firm for which the CEO now wants me to do some freelance marketing writing. So we chatted and charmed, and I got a gig out of it.

It's very exciting! Money! More experience! Woohoo!

So I'm going to meet with Tim tomorrow to discuss the details.

Wish me luck!

Oregon Shmoregon

2008-12-09T15:18:00.001-08:00

So, this blog, through no fault of its own, just sputtered out and died. It was sad.

It's now being redeemed, born again, as it were, like the Hebrews through the Red Sea, or my own reincarnation as a potato bug five hundred years ago on the Great Plains. (Buffalo stepped on me. Wasn't pretty.)

Yayin Tov was about my journey of a lifetime to Israel - really about my life - but writing about it began to bore me after a while.

Now I'm back in Oregon, a statement I never thought I would be saying so soon - and certainly not with so much satisfaction. But I am. And I'm loving it. See, Yayin Tov, which means good wine in Hebrew, is a symbol of the finer things in life - love, family, best friends, good food, good drink, stunning sunsets and those little happy moments in life in which you sit back and sigh, "Because life IS GOOD."

Now I'm on track to go to medical school - because I figure I've had so many good things in my life, I just need to punish myself so that I'll appreciate them. Just kidding.

But I am going to medical school. I start classes January 5 at Portland Community College - Biology and Math 111 - the first of my MANY prerequisites for med school. Life is amazing. If you would have told me ten years ago that I was going to be studying my brains out, voluntarily taking math and science classes or taking the MCATs, I would have laughed heartily in your face and told you to lay off the grass.

But here I am.

I'm also moving up to Portland early next week, renting a room in a cute and BIG house in charming John's Landing. I still can't believe the deal I got - a room in a fully furnished three-bedroom house (not apartment) - with a REALLY SWEET and FUN roommate who's doing her pharmacy residency at OHSU. And all of that for only $500 / month. It's amazing really, so amazing in fact that I about gave my mom a stroke when I took the room - because I was jobless.

I'm still semi-jobless, thanks to a stupid economy, but I will be lifeguarding again, which I also never thought I'd say. Lifeguards are just lazy college dropouts who can't get real jobs, right?

The universe has a sense of humor apparently, and it's laughing as I eat my words.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)

2008-08-15T19:02:00.005-07:00

Low on hope? Think the world is about to destroy itself? Ok, you're probably not thinking that, but this incredible video will make you smile nonetheless. Click here for more information and background.

I'm on a Where the Hell is Matt? binge!

2008-07-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I've been trying to post a video from YouTube onto my blog for the last couple of days, and it doesn't seem to be working. I guess I love it so much and want to share it so badly with the world, that I'll just give you the link and you can check it out yourself.

Where the Hell is Matt?

You can read all about it here

What a beautiful picture of humanity! I love it!!!

Which Superhero are You?

2008-07-28T22:39:00.000-07:00

I took the "Which Superhero are You?" test. Apparently I'm Superman. I always liked him. Mild-mannered, with a tendency to wear blue tights and fly around rescuing people.
But I also apparently have flashes of Wonder Woman (naturally), Spider Man (I hate spiders, but give me Toby Maguire all wet and hanging upside down ready for a kiss any day) and the Flash (Too quick for you!!!)
Kudos to dad for the tip.
Your results:
You are Superman
Superman 85%
Wonder Woman 77%
Spider Man 70%
The Flash 70%
The Green Lantern 70%
Supergirl 67%
Catwoman 65%
Robin 64%
Iron Man 60%
Batman 55%
Hulk 40%
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

"Victory is for the one...who has no thought of himself."

2008-07-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

Into a soul absolutely free
From thoughts and emotion,
Even the tiger finds no room
To insert its fierce claws.

One and the same breeze passes
Over the pines on the mountain
And the oak trees in the valley;
And why do they give different notes?

No thinking, no reflecting,
Perfect emptiness:
Yet therein something moves,
Following its own course.

The eye sees it,
But no hands can take hold of it -
The moon in the stream.

Clouds and mists,
They are midair transformations;
Above them eternally shine the sun and the moon.

Victory is for the one,
Even before the combat,
Who has no thought of himself,
Abiding in the no-mind-ness of Great Origin.

From the Tao of Jeet Kune Do.

"For the first time, I really did feel Israeli."

2008-07-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

Life is a precarious thing, and not just in Israel. Just down the border in Gaza, six people died recently in a bombing (for once, not blamed on us), five people drowned this weekend off the Israeli coast, a very sweet, good friend of mine in the States died last week and I nearly got hit by a car tonight on my bike, a split-second experience that took my breath away with its proximity to tragedy. (My proximity to tragedy).

I've often wondered what this very thin line is that separates us from death. What is it that keeps my heart pumping blood through my body and my lungs taking in oxygen and my cells working doing whatever it is they do? What keeps me on THIS side - where I'm alive, with friends and family and a stable job and air in my lungs, instead of on THAT side - where I'm six feet under?

What separates me from, say, Gilad Shalit, the Israeli soldier still sitting somewhere in that shithole called Gaza? Or from Karnit Goldwasser - the wife of Ehud Goldwasser, one of the kidnapped soldiers whose body was just returned two weeks ago to Israel in a black box after being somewhere in Lebanon for two years? Why them and not me?

But it's not so simple. Tonight, I rode my bike down to Dizengoff to return a video to Dizi (a really cool video store slash laundromat slash cafe where you can rent a movie (and a laptop) and order something to eat while you do your laundry). On the way, i passed through Rabin Square, where a rally last week was held for and by Gilad's platoon, which was being discharged, for his release. A graffiti-ed message said,

"We are all in this together."

Which is really what it is after all in this country. Almost two weeks ago I sat, glued to the computer screen, as Ehud's and Eldad's bodies were being returned to Israel (no one knew up to that point whether they were alive or dead). I felt so sad, so heavy and so grieved over the tragedy of it all. That night, a new immigrant I met asked me if I felt Israeli after being here for almost two years. I knew the answer almost without thinking: "You know," I said to her, "this morning, for the first time, I really did feel Israeli."

I told this to an Israeli friend the next evening, and he said, "With what happened, you actually felt what it was like to be an Israeli." And then we went back to our appetizers.

80 Years of the Kibbutz in Israel - In Photos

2008-02-15T13:47:00.000-08:00

Hi! It's me.... Remember me?
I'm popping out of editorial seclusion for a brief moment - just for one thing.
Click here for a mediocre article with GREAT PHOTOS of the last 80 years of kibbutz life in the Land of Israel.
No wonder modern-day Israelis are so frickin' tough....
Oh, and click here if you don't know what a kibbutz is.
Anyway, that's it for now. Late. Sleep...zzzzzz......

The Storm

2008-01-29T22:19:00.001-08:00

We're having quite the storm here.
Ok, I know what you're thinking. "You live on the Mediterranean, in the Middle East! What kind of serious storm could you possibly have?"
This isn't your Midwestern U.S. tornado, it's true, or your Florida hurricane. It doesn't storm here very often, but when it does, you'd better run for cover.
It's not just the wind, it's the fierce, biting, severely blowing wind. Add to that the big, fat rain we get here, and the massive lightning and thunder at 9 in the morning while you're on your way walking to work because you missed the bus.
The cold wouldn't be so bad anywhere else, except that because we are in the Eastern Mediterranean, with sweltering, disgusting summers and humidity to boot, the concept of central heating does not exist. Oh, of course people know about it, but those people live in multi-million dollar homes in Herzliya Pituach and Caesarea and go on yacht trips throughout the Mediterranean and spend weekends in Paris.
I tried to switch on a little heater at work so that I wouldn't have to sit there in my winter coat, but that tiny little heater blew the breaker for the entire office. Oops! Wasn't me!
The storm is supposed to clear up this weekend, hopefully.
There is another storm, however, that's gripping the country, and this one doesn't mean snow in Jerusalem.
This storm is the release today (Wednesday 5pm) of the Winograd report, which is a report on the government's and military's actions/inactions/failures/successes during the Second Lebanon War in the summer of 2006. The storm is that most people it seems believe that the current government (which was in power then) basically failed in every way and that the prime minister, Ehud Olmert, should be forced to resign. This report could mean the end of the government. I for one would be in favor of having a new prime minister - Tzipi Livni, for example (the current foreign minister) - but we'll have to wait and see what happens.
Until then, just trying to stay warm and dry.

Back to School - Ulpan & Post-IDEX

2008-01-08T11:46:00.000-08:00

I've started to going to ulpan again. Twice a week, Sundays and Tuesdays after work.

Aside from the article I have due tomorrow (deadlines, deadlines), for which I just got an initial response from the main subject today, things have finally begun to calm down at work. Aside from tonight (and tomorrow if I don't finish this article tomorrow afternoon), and exceptions such as when we're closing the magazine and the closing date happens to fall on the day that I don't work on the magazine, I'm not working in the evenings anymore, and my weekends are not filled with OH-MY-GOD-I-HAVE-TO-FINISH-THIS-ARTICLE-OR-I'M-DEAD-MEAT!

All this to say that I suddenly found myself in the last month quite bored and with a lot of time on my hands. Of course this is all relative. Let's just say I suddenly found myself with a bit more free time on my hands than I was used to in the almost hellish previous six months at work.

So I began thinking about what I want my future in Israel, post-IDEX, to look like. Of course, this is still a work in progress, and I'm not sure what the future will hold, but I know that I want to go to graduate school and get my master's degree.

While life here can get pretty tough, and the government agencies most of the time are less than helpful (to say the least), one of the really cool things they do for new immigrants my age is to cover the tuition for their next degree. For example, in my case, I already have a BA from an accredited university, so the Student Authority will pay for my Master's degree tuition. All of it.

I'll still have to pay for books and housing and all manner of things like this, but my tuition will be covered. If I study in Israel in the next two years, I get a Master's degree, completely free. Now, never being one to pass up a good deal, this is a good deal I just can't pass up.

All this to say that I decided to do something, to take an initial step toward my second degree - go back to Hebrew school.

I've been here for a year, two months and ten days. My Hebrew is getting along, but it's definitely not where it could be, or where it needs to be to do a master's degree in Hebrew. The good thing about being a native-English speaker is that all of the reading material, research material and papers will be in English. It's only the lectures and study groups I'll have to manage through in Hebrew.

This is only the first step. There's a lot more work to do. But taking that first step, knowing that I'm moving forward, made me feel very happy, satisfied and proud of myself. Just thought I'd share that.

Rabbi Kushner on God

2007-12-28T07:58:00.000-08:00

A quote from the book To Life: A Celebration of Jewish Being and Thinking:
Theology plays a relatively minor role in Judaism compared to other religions, as Rabbi Harold S. Kushner explains.

"God is important [in Judaism]; talking about God is not all that important. But this is mostly because statements about God are not really so much about God as they are about us.

To say that God heals the sick is not a statement about what activities fill God's schedule. It is a way of saying that when we have been sick and we recover, we have experienced God in our lives (not His face but His works).

To say that God forgives is not a comment on God's emotional state but a recognition of our own ability to feel cleansed of guilt because God is real in the world.

To say that God hears prayer does not describe God's auditory system. It answers the question of whether or not praying is a waste of time.

Statements about God, then, do not describe God (how could we ever dare to do that?) They describe how we and our world are different because of God...

While we cannot see God directly, we can see God-in-action. We can see the difference God makes as He passes through the world.

Just as we cannot see the wind, but can only see things blown by the wind and know that the wind is real and powerful...just as we cannot see love, but can see people behaving differently, being braver and more caring because they love, so we cannot see God. We can only see His aftereffects."
Shabbat Shalom.

Trekkin' Around

2007-12-15T11:56:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of photos of my bike trip today to Herzliya. I accidentally stumbled into Herzliya Pituach (a really upscale neighborhood with BEAUTIFUL homes right near the beach - no pics, sorry) and was a little sad having to go back to my
little apartment.

This is me on top of a cliff overlooking the Mediterranean just before I got to Herzliya.

Below is the photo I was meaning to take, but, personally, I think the first one came out much better.

More to follow when I'm not so pooped...

Excuse Me a Moment

2007-12-05T11:53:00.000-08:00

Bear with me a moment as I explore new templates and colors for zis blog.
Feel free to leave comments as to whether or not you fancy or are not partial to a particular style.

Human Beings Helping Other Human Beings

2007-12-05T10:43:00.001-08:00

Life is good.
Well, for me at least.
A great prophet (what was his name again, rhymes with Beezus?) said that no-brainer phrase "There's always gonna be poor people. Don't think this is gonna change.
Make sure you do something about it.
Don't think that just because they'll always be there you have the right to just up and ignore them."
Ok, he didn't say it exactly like that, but it's a close summary.
Anyway (I do have a point here), I just came across a story tonight that I thought I should share here.
Recently, a single mother and her four young children were evicted from an apartment they had illegally occupied - for lack of another place to live. Despite the fact that the family was eligible for government assistance, none was offered as there was no housing option open for them at the time.
A neighbor witnessed the eviction and saw the woman and her children standing out on the street in the freezing Jerusalem night. He offered the woman a bottle of water and a place to stay, indefinitely.

Okay, you say, that's a nice story, but it's not really, as my editor says, "NEWS." It's not hot, now or happening. You're right.

What if I told you that the woman and her children are Jewish Israelis, and the family that took them is Arab and lives in East Jerusalem?

Yes, that's what I said (wrote).

Lest you think that it's all hatred and blood here.......
Click here to watch the video from Israeli newspaper Haaretz.

All I have to say is forget about Annapolis Shmannapolis and the politicians with all of their crazy double-talk. If things are going to change, it's going to be at this level - person to person. It's people like this who are going to make a difference, people like you and me. Substantial change cannot be imposed on the people from the politicians; it must come from the people, from the grassroots level if it's going to influence and hold. Leaders exist to lead, not to force their crazy ideas on unwilling or indifferent minds.

Kudos to Yael for the tip.

Daily Musings

2007-11-06T11:13:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking a lot about being here in Israel, and what that means to me. Would it matter if I stayed here? Would it make any difference to move someplace else?

Just before I went to the states for two weeks in September, I was getting very antsy and wanting to leave - wanting to be away from this place and its troubles, its battles, its heat (literally and figuratively).

I missed my family, my friends, familiar, comfortable things like Trader Joe's and my car and my favorite coffee shops where I know exactly what I want to order before I set foot in the shop.
But then when I got to Oregon (even when I arrived in the Newark airport), I felt so strange and very out of place. Here was my family, my familiar things, my friends, but it all felt so foreign to me - as if I were thinking about a dream that I had or some previous life-cycle.

I felt so happy to be with my family, especially the kids, whom I'm not getting to see grow up ( :0( ) but I also felt so out of place.

It's so ironic.
When I got back to Israel, I was so happy to be back among my "familiar" things (chuckle), back to my life.
It seems as though I've rent my life in two. It doesn't show any signs of clearing up, and I am quite sure that I will feel this bifurcation for a long time, if not my whole life. Sure, I grew up in Oregon. I have roots there, and family and friends, but I have a life here now. What I am supposed to do about it, I have no idea. It's just an observation from a completely new experience I guess. When I'm there I want to be here; when I'm here, I miss the people and places there, the green and the crisp Northwest air.
Then I called my aunt last week, and we had a really nice conversation. I've always felt very close to her, despite living miles apart for my whole life.
Just as we were saying our goodbyes, she stopped me and said, "Wait. I just want to know one thing - are you happy?"
I was so surprised because I didn't answer right away. It took me a few moments to think about it.
The answer is - yes, in some ways. But happiness as a result of moving here is not true happiness. Sure, I've followed my dream and it's been fulfilled beyond my wildest imagination. But if my happiness is based upon whether I succeed or not here, then I will be what I have been for the past six months - so worried about succeeding so that I could be happy and forgetting about actually BEING happy.
I had, somewhere in my consciousness, decided that the only way for me to be happy was to move to Israel. Once X, Y and Z happened, or once I achieved so many things on my list, then, not only would I be happy, happiness would come to me like the rain on a gray April morning in Eugene.
But why should I wait to be happy? Why can't I be happy now?

Why all this talk of happiness?
I recently made a fortuitous discovery, one that has greatly contributed to my happiness - I came across the blog of a woman named Gretchen Rubin (thanks Gretchen!) who embarked on what she has called "The Happiness Project"

It's a seemingly very simple but actually quite complex question - what contributes to my happiness (not leaving clothes strewn around, crossing off things from a to-do list, making small splurges, giving, receiving)? What doesn't contribute to my happiness (not getting enough sleep, not exercising, eating "fake food")?

More on this later, but I urge you to check it out. She, unlike yours truly, is generally very good about posting almost every day, and I've never been bored once - which is a success in itself.

One Year Later (Part 1)

2007-10-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

I know it's hard to believe (I'm having trouble believing it myself), but Tuesday will mark one year since I arrived in Israel, one year that I've lived, laughed, cried, loved, learned, fell and lived my dream here in this ancient land.

Israel is many things (so much more than the violence, struggle and conflict that might come to mind). Israel has also been so many things to me, and, although I have gone through, experienced and enjoyed so much in the past year, I have just begun to scratch the surface.

Almost all of my dreams have come true in the space of this year, in this tiny country probably about the size of the Oregon Coast to the Willamette Valley across and from Portland to the California border lengthwise. To be honest, I never thought much about beyond my dreams. My plan was to get here, make it through the initial absorption process, after which I figured I would have a clearer idea of my direction here....Well, I've made it, and the question has come up - So now what?

There will be more on that to come, but in the mean time --

These are some of the things I've learned in the past year (this list is not comprehensive, and it will be updated as I remember (and laugh about) more things):

1. Never, ever cross the street against the light in Israel, unless:
-you have looked both ways AT LEAST five times, or
-a big, swarthy Israeli man walking his pekingese crosses in front of you, or
-the cars that tried to inch in past their own impending red light are all stopped over the crosswalk and will buffet you from any other oncoming vehicles, or
-it's 4 am and the street is absolutely empty, or
-you are absolutely, positively and in all other ways certain that no cars will come through the intersection at the same time as you

As a side note, and per the unfortunate but now very wise, advice of a friend of mine, if you decide to jaywalk, do a quick but thorough scan of the general area to make sure there are no cops in cars, on motorbikes or standing nearby. They will give you a ticket. If they try to give you a ticket, even if you know some Hebrew and have lived in the country for a year (me!), play the tourist card, feign ignorance, and, if you're gifted in that area, bat your eyelashes and giggle a lot. This last part is not recommended for men.

2. When you go to Europe (or at least to Antwerp, where I was less than two weeks ago), and you see little silver, mushroom-cap-like objects that seem to be demarcating a certain area or track for some unknown purpose --
do not walk there! Stay away! Do not even enter the general area for a few seconds or your life will be suddenly shortened by a crazy Flem (aka a Belgian) on a very fast bike.

3. Whatever cannot be communicated by language and words can most definitely be conveyed through various hand gestures, babblish baby-talk noises and bodily demonstrations. This works for anything from clothes shopping to picking up members of the opposite sex.

4. I do have an actual fear of telephones. Refer to number 3 to understand why this is even worse when trying to do it a foreign language. Despite what you might think from watching Israelis talk on their cell phones, nothing can actually be conveyed through body language and hand gestures over the phone. And without hand gestures, well....you can see why I put off calling my non-English speaking landlord for quite some time. It may also turn out to be a problem when I have to take driving lessons to get a license here.

5. No matter how much you can't wait to get away from your parents and out of their house and away from the general area in which they live, you will eventually miss them....

6. When your company sends you on a business trip to Europe (or anywhere for that matter), make sure you buy a suitcase.

7. Banks and governmental service branches will, without fail, be closed on Monday afternoons, all day Tuesday, Wednesday afternoons and Fridays/Saturdays, or any variation of the above that strikes the branch manager's fancy. At least twice, the said "service" branch will be closed when you most need to go there. Forget 9 to 5, on Mondays and Wednesdays, despite being closed in the afternoon, the banks reopen from 4 to 6. My particular bank branch, nearest to my house, is completely closed all day Sunday, but open for a few hours on Friday.

8. If you need to do anything of importance at the bank, you can't just do it at any old branch (even though they're apparently difference branches of the same bank). If you want to make an international transfer, order checks, order a new debit/visa card, speak to someone about a loan, you must either do it at your main branch (which, for me, happens to be the one at which I opened my account - IN JERUSALEM), or, the people at the other branch must phone the branch manager at your main branch and receive authorization from your main branch's manager to complete the transaction.
"Okay then," I said. "I don't live in Jerusalem anymore. I'd like to switch my main branch from that one to this one."
"You'll have to do that at your main branch."

Apparently, there's one more thing you can't do at any other but your main branch. A guy I know from the Jerusalem ulpan went to an ATM, which took his card and wouldn't return it. Fortunately, the bank was open, so he went inside to get his card back. The woman went over to the machine, removed his card, somehow found out that this particular bank wasn't his main branch and wouldn't return the card to him until she had received authorization from the main branch's manager, which took an additional 30 mins.
Unbelievable.

The First in a Long Line

2007-10-24T14:47:00.000-07:00

The first things to go when exhaustion hits/begins (in no particular order):

1. My tolerance – for people who do things that annoy me, for others’ kvetching and complaining, for heat, cold, hunger and thirst, for both non-committals and over-committals, for flakes, for misunderstandings, for foul odors, for messy kitchen counters and stinky sinks, for very full garbage bags, also in my kitchen, for walking up three flights of stairs twice after forgetting something, for mumblers (especially in foreign languages that are hard enough to learn as it is), and for intolerant people.

2. My memory – for remembering things I did or didn’t do less than ten minutes prior, for remembering things that people told me to do less than five minutes prior, for remembering what it is I reminded myself to do less than three minutes prior and for remembering why I came into this room in the first place.

3. My attention span - an occurrence exacerbated by hunger, thirst and having to use the little ladies' room.

4. My empathy/sympathy – I just lose interest, I guess - something to do with the attention span, too, I think.

5. My cognitive reasoning skills – math is the first to go, followed by grammar and logic, also exacerbated when nature calls. Seems my brain prioritizes where it puts its energy.

6. My coordination and general spatial awareness - This includes tripping a lot on cracks in the sidewalk and when walking up stairs, as well as running into things and people (fortunately no cars, but bikes, yes).

7. My interest in writing this list

Americans are NOT stupid - WITH SUBTITLES

2007-10-03T06:44:00.001-07:00

Sad about the appalling state of America's (lack of an) education system? Not sad enough.....

Just put me out of my misery!

You Know You're From Oregon When.... II

2007-08-28T11:33:00.000-07:00

In honor of our upcoming trip to Oregon (two weeks!!), we at Yayin Tov present the second installment of "You know you're from Oregon when..."

You know you're from Oregon when:
You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal

You have no concept of humidity without precipitation

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat

You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall)

Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through a rain storm without flinching

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas

You blame everything wrong with the world on ex-Californians

You house or car has ever been damaged by a falling tree or mudslide

You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid

You only honk your horn if a collision is imminent and never for anything else

You wear fleece and long underwear to the beach (read: coast)

You have ever tried squirrel fishing (or know what it is)

You laugh at these.

You Know You're From Oregon When....

2007-08-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

In honor of my upcoming trip to Oregon.....The first edition of:

You know you're from Oregon when...

You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.

You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

You know how to pronounce Mishikhwutmetunne, Coquille, Sequim, Siuslaw, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yachats, Yakima, and Willamette.

You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."

You notice, "The mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or people from California

You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.

You understand these.

כמה מילים - A Few Words

2007-08-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

A few words as I pop out of 'editorial seclusion' (thanks for that one, mr. brendah) for a few moments.
Some things I saw in the past 168 hours:

-There is a street very near to my building (derekh namir, for those of you who know Tel Aviv). It is a main street, comparable to W. 11th or Franklin in Eugene, although mostly residential. Walking past on my way to work this morning, I noticed one of the signs on one of the buildings (most buildings, when listing the building number, also include the street name) said Derekh Haifa, instead of the current street name, Derekh Namir.

The road must have, at one point, been called Derekh Haifa because it is/was? a main road from Tel Aviv to Haifa, in the north of the city. Unfortunately, either no one has noticed that this older, still-inhabited building, has the old name on it when the building right next to it has the current name, or no one bothered to change it because, as we all know - it's not my problem; someone else will do it.

-Last Thursday night, I was waiting for a bus not far from my flat. A woman, probably only a few years older than I, walked by with a little furry thing that must have been a dog, although I am not sure on this point.

The dog-like creature stopped not two meters from me, squatted, and dispensed its little dark brown wares on the sidewalk. I looked at the woman, she looked at me, we both looked at the shit, and she continued walking. Perhaps, I thought to myself, I should have said something. What happened next confirmed my belief in the inter-connected nature of the universe, even as it relates to little piles of shit (excuse my Turkish).

As I was rehearsing in my mind how I could have made some comment or perhaps influenced the woman to pick up the shit with my limited Hebrew, I noticed a man walking in my direction, coming from the same direction the woman had. He was fairly tall and gangly, with too long limbs and clothes that seemed about to slip off his shoulders, older, with greasy black hair, papery skin, and shiny black shoes. I looked at him, looked at the shit, looked at him again, and realized with inner horror that he was walking in a dead straight line right toward the little pile of dog shit on the pavement. The soles of his shoes just rolled over and brushed the little pile. I made no movement, just watched. He slowed and his second foot hit the little piece he had just overturned. He didn’t notice – at all. I just chuckled to myself at the irony of it all.

Maybe I should have said something to the woman, or even warned the man, but, you know....

Now for the news:
-Apparently, the Pope wants to be friends with us. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought this one had shifty eyes...
-There's a hot new Israeli girl band. Hopefully they'll bring us something better than those Spice-y British chicks.
-BREAKING NEWS: The White House released a report disclosing that the president (yes W's still there, can't tell you why, but it's true) was (gasp!) treated for lyme disease LAST YEAR. OH DEAR! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU'RE KIDDING! IS HE OKAY?? Apparently he is, since this picture accompanied the CNN story:

You know, I'm sure it's on everyone else's minds, and I am just asking the obvious question, but how does he find time to run a country with all of those bike trips and polyp removals (oops!) Oh wait, but I forgot, Dick actually runs the country. Phew! I was worried there for a second. Come to think of it, that guy on the right is clearly Lance Armstrong, but the other chap doesn't look at all like ol' dubya. What is CNN up to, anyway?

Well, that's about it. I swear I had something else to put here, but I got distracted by all the President's polyps.

Signing off.

Down to Business

2007-06-22T00:41:00.000-07:00

Before I move on to other, more or less important things, I wanted to post a link here to a very poignant Q&A session that I found on NY Times.com.

Although I know that it's very interesting coming here and reading my blog about life in Israel (when I get around to posting, of course), you may also wonder what in the world is going on in Iraq. Of course, you could flip on the TV or radio or thumb through a newspaper and read about the 60 or 85 or 130 people killed yesterday, last week, etc.

But what is daily life really like? What is it like having to run daily errands like buying milk and bread, while worrying about whether there will be a bombing or mortar attack at the exact moment that you decided to go to the market? How are normal, average Iraqis, who want what you and I want - to go to school/work, have a family and enjoy time with friends - adapting?

This article is an ongoing Q&A session with some NY Times reporters in Iraq - real people, involved and informed first-hand, answering real people's questions.

So...what's going on here?
I think most of the people who read this blog (my immediate family) know very well what I have been up to, but just in case someone outside of this well-worn circle of communication finds his or her way over here and is wondering what has become of me...I must entertain and keep them well-informed.

Almost a week ago, I moved out of my little, secluded, comfortable ulpan in Jerusalem, and moved into an apartment in Tel Aviv. I am working with a company called IDEX Online, an online diamond trading marketplace/news site/magazine within the Diamond Exchange. Very nice job, superbly nice people; I am learning more and more every day, which makes the job more and more interesting every day.
Because really, what do I care about diamonds? What do I care about gem and jewelry markets and trade shows? NOTHING. But seriously, now that I have a vested interest in learning more and becoming a well-read member of the team, this stuff matters a lot more to me.

Oh yeah. I forgot. I am working as a writer/journalist/copy editor, etc. etc. If you look on the website, you might find something I have written. Most of it has been edited by me, which I guess is unfortunate if you find any mistakes.

And that's all I will say about IDEX at the moment, since, apparently my wonderful coworkers got the word that I have a blog and just might read it. Hi guys!!

That's all I will say in general, for now. I am going to try and do some laundry at the self-service laundromat ten blocks down the street, go to the beach and enjoy my Friday.

Editorial Excerpt on Gaza

2007-06-14T23:47:00.000-07:00

Hamas has completed its total takeover of Gaza. So, what? I pulled this from an editorial on YNet News (Yedioth Aharanot Online)

Fatah has collapsed in the Gaza Strip; it's gone completely under. Gaza has turned into a jungle. Everyone is fighting each other. The political conflict between Fatah and Hamas has turned into a clan war, a war between brothers. Scores have been opened that can't be settled, and vendettas are threatening to lead Gaza to terrible anarchy. The Palestinians are destroying their future with their own hands.

Within this chaos the state of Hamastan is being created upon the ruins of the Palestinian entity. Fatah is barely able to hold on to some key positions, yet it is clear that the new Hamas reality in Gaza has reached the point of no return. There is no one to stop it.

The US and Israel as well would be deluding themselves by thinking that Mahmoud Abbas and his government can be salvaged. That day has passed, and Abbas' leadership has nothing left to say. Abbas is detached from reality; he is living in the past, ignoring the present and incapable of planning the future. He is still entertaining the hope that he could mend the fences and therefore has still not ordered his forces in Gaza to fight back.

I also encourage you to check out this page: The Good Neighbors Blog, if not periodically, at least now. It's a consortium of bloggers (normal people putting their thoughts and observations on the page for you to see) from all over the region: Egypt, Jordan, West Bank, Lebanon, Iran and, of course, Israel. It's a very intriguing source of real, personal information, stuff that you would never find on the evening news.

Everyone here is wondering what's going to happen. Hamas controlling Gaza can't be a good thing - I can't think of anything good that can come of it, except maybe Egypt going in and 'taking care of things' (that way Israel wouldn't have to deal with the bad PR it receives every time it tries to protect its citizens and secure its borders). So, I will try to keep you updated as much as I can.
I'm going to get a pot and pan today from a Christian organization that gives basic stuff to new immigrants like me. This is how poor I am. I can't even buy a pot. Hmpf!

Major Happenings

2007-06-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

If you have been following the news lately or have even glanced at a newspaper, you've probably heard something about Hamas and Gaza.
You're right to sit up and pay close attention, but let me say now that there's no need to worry about me (at least not because of Hamas).
Today, Hamas consolidated its near complete control of Gaza. Until today, the political/military organization was involved in a unity government with Fatah, the remnant organization from the Yasser Arafat days (indeed, Arafat was the leader of the terrorist organization; today, they've moved closer to politics and not so much of terrorism, although this is debatable).
The unity government was formed between Fatah (of which Abbas is the head) and Hamas after Hamas was elected to head of the government.
Today, after Hamas seized Fatah's main seat of power in Gaza, the headquarters of the Preventative Security Forces and the intelligence services, killing dozens of people in the process, President Mahmoud Abbas dismissed Prime Minister Haniyeh (the head of Hamas) and dissolved the government, calling for new elections.
There are some people, many of whom seem very well informed, who see this as a very clear sign of things to come. It is indeed momentous, and only time will tell what will actually be.
I don't know how much has been reported on this in the Western media, and I am not too aware of the Israeli media discussions and discourse, but apparently things are beginning to look a lot like they did before 1967.
It is being proposed that, instead of creating a 'Palestinian state' on the West Bank and Gaza, the area of the West Bank will be returned to Jordanian control, Gaza to Egyptian (if they want it or can handle it. I personally would say 'good riddance!').
Jordan has, after all a huge percentage of Palestinians and would probably do a much better job with health care and education. Maybe Queen Noor can do something; I don't know.
Keep an eye out for this....it has HUGE implications for the region, including life here in Israel.
All of that said, I am getting along quite nicely with my new job and my new apartment (more on that later). I am a real, authentic new immigrant - poor, penniless, destitute, but so happy that everything is working out...perfectly.

Beautiful Oregon Coast

2007-05-25T00:55:00.001-07:00

While doing some research for my current freelance job, I stumbled across this beautiful video of the Oregon Coast. Having moved to Israel, I always say that I miss the people much more than the actual place, but I guess that's not true. Watching this video, I began to realize that I do miss that place too....a bit, a bit. If you've never visited the Oregon Coast/Northwest region, I STRONGLY recommend it. This is not your typical 'vacation'/resort spot, but it is something you will remember for the rest of your life. If there is a paradise on earth, in terms of natural beauty, this is it.

Watch the video:

If it doesn't work, visit the site here

By the way....can anyone tell me the 'poshest', most luxurious and perhaps most expensive place to stay on the coast? Thanks.

The Deadly State of Affairs

2007-05-24T05:13:00.001-07:00

Sderot. A city in the south of Israel, near the territory of Gaza. Keep in mind that Sderot is located within Israel's pre-1967 borders.
I've written about this place once before and included a story from the JPost on how scary these rocket attacks can be and how children have adapted to the situation, learning the right way to walk quietly to their bomb shelters when the sirens go off, taking yoga classes to deal with the stress, and giving cute but telling answers to questions like "Why does the snail have a shell?" ("So it can be protected from the kassams".) This is not just a stressful situation, this is also a deadly situation. Last week, a 32 year old woman named Shirel Friedman (z"l) was killed when a rocket hit a car next to her. She was walking.down.the.street and was killed. For what? For existing? For being alive? It's barbaric!
Hamas, as well as other groups, claimed responsibility for the attack.
That day, FM Tzipi Livni was giving a press conference in Sderot. She stated: "The situation in Sderot is unbearable... We consider the Palestinian government headed by the Hamas terrorist organization responsible for this situation...
Until now, Israel has shown restraint. But the rockets and the Kassam missile attacks on Sderot continue. Israel must defend its citizens. While Israel is looking for terrorists, In order to stop them from their terrorist activities against civilians, these terrorists are looking for civilians to kill.""
In accordance with these statements, the IDF arrested 33 members of the Hamas terrorist organization (also known as a 'political party/organization'?!), the highest ranking officials being the PA (Palestinian Authority) Education Minister and the mayors of Nablus and Qalqiliya.
Just a little news from this side of the world. Let's wait for these events to unfold.
Meanwhile, I have two appointments this evening to look at apartments in Tel Aviv and another job interview on Tuesday, this time with the City of David Foundation. Wish me luck!

The Home Stretch

2007-05-21T12:18:00.000-07:00

So, I must say. This ulpan-working-trying to go to the gym-looking for a job-looking for a place to live-sustaining my oh so very important social life-keeping myself culturally, politically and religiously aware through books, music, magazines and newspapers is getting to be harder than I thought it would be.
At the moment, I am on the market, as it were (or is it in the market?), as well as perusing the market. My lovely live-in ulpan, courtesy of the Jewish Agency and the Ministry of Immigrant Absorption, will viciously kick me out in or around June 15 (kind of like a mother bird 'viciously' kicks her babies out of the nest when they're ready to fly), and, by that time, I will need to have found a place to live and a job to pay for it. I'm still opinion-less as to whether this process is more complicated than it seems or whether I am simply unaware of how complicated it really is. I do have a few leads on the job-front, which will be revealed after the fact, and am perusing the online and offline markets in search of a nice little place to call home.
Life is a bit crazy at the moment. Everyone is looking for the solution to their lives, and, although I know that mine is out there just waiting for me to find it, it can be a little scary at times. Not only is everyone looking for a job and a place to live (you can come visit me in my cardboard box after I get all moved in), the ulpan teachers, bless their little souls, have also realized that we're running out of time. I don't know if they have simply realized that they perhaps didn't get to as much material as they had hoped, or if they finally realized that we haven't done diddly-squat in the past four months and 'ohmygosh we have to teach them something!' It's not that we haven't learned anything, but you know....it's like in college when they profs PILE on the work in the last few weeks....the different is that we're trying to learn this darn language as quickly as possible, go to class every day, deal with loads of homework they've now decided to pile on in the last month and figure out our lives...it's been tough to say the least.
But, in all seriousness, every problem has a solution, and if we look hard enough in the right places, we'll find it.
Tired. Going to bed. Goodnight.

מסימת הכביסה/The Laundry Mission

2007-04-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sitting here in the communal TV room/library, waiting for my laundry to finish washing. After that, it will go into the dryer for an hour (old dryer), at least, those things that can be dried will go into the dryer. When I say 'things that can be dried', I don't mean everything but things that say 'do not dry' on the label. I mean everything but things that matter if they shrink - because EVERYTHING shrinks in this dryer: pants (I thought I was getting fat, even as I was going to the gym every day, but it turns out my pants suffered the same fate as my shirts), shirts (as mentioned), camisols, sweaters (or jersies as my South African roommate calls them, or jumpers as the Australians and English call them), and clothing in general. So, what do I actually put in the dryer? Hm...come to think of it, I'm not sure.

Amongst my current group of fabulous friends, there exists a word that we use to describe the process of doing one's laundry: m'see'ma. It means 'mission' in Hebrew. As in, "Why is it such a bloody mission to do laundry here?!"
Allow me to describe the process of succeeding to do laundry here:
1. Sort clothing. If you're lazy like me, or if you only wish to participate in said mission for a couple of hours, then you put everything together but the real delicates, which you hand washed in the sink a few days ago.
2. Remember to take ID card downstairs. This is to give to the guard who will give you the key in exchange for said card.
3. Take laundry downstairs.
4. Remember after you get to the bottom floor (two floors down) that you left your laundry card for the machines upstairs.
5. Go upstairs to get said laundry card. Take a few shekels with you to put on card in machine near front door.
6. Go downstairs to get laundry and put money on card.
7. Walk outside, get halfway to guard stand and realize you forgot to put money on card.
8. Go back inside and put money on card.
9. Go back outside to the guard stand at entrance to ulpan and open the window, sheepishly showing the guard your laundry, hoping to god he has the key.
10. Guard points to someone else's card, who has gotten there before you and who has said key (there's only one key. God knows why, don't even ask me why there is only one key).
11. Recognize said key-snatcher and spend up to five hours tracking them down (Usually it doesn't take five hours, although I personally experienced needing to do laundry when someone had taken the key into town with them. They returned the next morning. I was angry.). Thank God, tonight it took but two minutes to find pretty Brazilian key-snatcher.
12. Enter laundry room with coveted key (usually, when someone gets the key, their friends - surprise - get it next and next and so on). Put laundry in machine. Reach for laundry soap. Groan. As usual, you have left the soap in your room, two stories up.
13. Go to other building. Go inside. Go upstairs. Retrieve renegade, loner laundry soap and some fabric softener sheets. Return to laundry room. Two hours and one cardio workout later, begin washing laundry.
14. Return 45 minutes later (the washer should be done by now). Wait for five minutes until laundry stops.
15. Move wet laundry from washer to dryer. Some falls on the dirty floor. You wipe it off, but the stain remains.
16. Begin dryer. Put it in for an hour. Remind yourself to come back in 40 minutes, to prevent clothing catching fire or coming out as baby-wear.
17. Return to take clothes. They're hot and burn your fingers (ouch!). You take them back to your room, lay them out to cool, collapse on your bed and try to motivate yourself to work, study, do something productive!!
No wonder I don't get anything done!

Be entertained

2007-04-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

Here's a silly game with which I just wasted about 45 minutes. At least it entertained me; hopefully it will entertain you.

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...just type it in!
Opening credits: Blue World – Moody Blues
Not quite the way I would start it, but this is a game, right?

Waking up: Ironic – Alanis Morissette
Waking up is a little ironic sometimes.

First day at school: Ancient Power – Eastern Arts Project
Yeah, baby!

Falling in love: Lady Marmalade – Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Maya & Pink
Hehe

Losing virginity: Freedom Theme – James Horner (From Braveheart)
No comment

Fight song: Lo Chashuv (Never Mind) – Sarit Hadad
Yeah, never mind. “Seek peace, and pursue it”.

Break up: Light in Your Eyes – Sheryl Crow
What’s that crazy light in your eyes? I don’t like it! I want a divorce!

Prom: Dispatch the Troops - Matisyahu
I personally think this one should be switched with the ‘fight song’.

Life: Los Angeles – SUGARCULT
This is actually my favorite work out song, and I try to work out every day. So, I guess this fits.

Mental Breakdown: Blue and Sentimental – Count Basie
Are you lonesome tonight? Okay, I’m depressed, I’ll stop now.

Driving: Close My Eyes – Matisyahu
And none too safe, either.

Flashback: Lead Me On – Teena Marie
Classic ‘80s song from Top Gun. “…Victim of a dream and a memory/ When I try to break free, you say to me, ‘ Come on and lead me on’”.

Getting back together: Back to You – Faith Hill
“…Only thing I know for sure is, I should have never let you go…” Sorry, once I say goodbye for good, that’s it (most of the time).

Wedding: Mouth on Fire – Duncan Sheik
Again, no comment. Not really sure where that came from. Didn’t even know this song existed.

Birth of a child: Soul Sacrifice – Santana
This will take some psychological analysis, which I will spare you. Very scary. Every heard of the tophet in Carthage? Ben Hinnon vally and Molech in Jerusalem? Let’s not even go there.

Final battle: Trashin’ the Camp – Phil Collins
That’s right. Fun and games trashing the ‘camp’.

Death scene: Heaven Help Us All – Ray Charles & Gladys Knight
When I die, I’m goin’ to that castle in the sky….or something like that.

Funeral song: Romeo & Juliet – Dire Straits
Perfect. It all makes sense now. I’m going to fall in love with the son of my family’s rivals, and we’ll kill ourselves and go down in a blaze of tragic glory. Very romantic.

End Credits: The Time of Your Life – Randy Newman (From ‘A Bug’s Life’ soundtrack)
Like I said, it’s all about having fun – well-mannered frivolity, that is.

Pesach and Another Immigrant Moment

2007-04-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

So it seems that I have an international following. Know what that means? It means my parents and grandparents are not the only people who read my blog! Okay, so the people who have stopped by once from Tunisia, Australia, Costa Rica, Warsaw and Turkey probably don't come back to check up on me every other day...but let's not put a damper on the excitement that I have an international following.
This week, Pesach starts. Seder night is Monday night, and this begins, among other things, a week of matza, a week without bread, pasta, rice (if you're Ashkenazi) and carbs in general. Pesach is an Atkins dieter's dream. No carbs, just meat, fish, fruit and veggies, and a lot of this thing we call 'the bread of affliction'. There's a joke I heard from my beloved Rabbi in Eugene: "Want to know why it's called 'the bread of affliction?' Try eating it for a week. Then you'll understand".
This may not be that funny to people who've never experienced this, but for the rest of us....I know you're out there, and I know you understand. See, matza is simply a baked mixture of flour and water. It has no fiber WHATSOEVER. So, take a lesson from the veterans and experts (of which I am not yet one) and eat A LOT of prunes, dried apricots and other things to help you go along on your way.
This will be an interesting week for me, because, although I was in Israel for Pesach in 2003, I was basically stuck on a moshav without a car and severely lacking in Hebrew skills. I was very much an outsider. Today, I am less so, but today I am a part of this place, just like this place is a part of me. Despite the fact that I can't read the newspaper (most of it anyway), I don't understand the news on the TV, much less on the radio, and in general have NO IDEA of what's going on around me...I'm making it.
Speaking of not understanding what's going on, last weekend a few friends and I were in Tel Aviv. We laid on the beach all day Saturday, and I got a massive sunburn on one side of my body (turning is essential), complete with BIG raccoon eyes. Anyway, that's not the point. On Saturday night, we caught a cab from the beach area to the Central Bus Station to hop on a bus back to Jerusalem. Maya, Yonit and their friend got in the back seat, and I took the front. When I got in, the door was a little hard to close, like the car had been hit at some point in the past...I said something about this to the driver, in Hebrew ("The door is broken" = הדלת מקולקלת). So, he responds with a long monologue about something. Anyway, I though that I understood what he was saying - something about how he needed to get it fixed and how he wouldn't forget, etc. So I responded with: "It's not so bad. It still closes".
His look was priceless. He had NO IDEA what I was talking about.
"Ma?" "What?"
So I repeated it, in perfect Hebrew.
"Eich?" "What?"
Apparently what I said had absolutely NO RELATION to whatever he had been talking about, so I just shut my mouth and relegated the experience to one of the many idiot, oops! I mean immigrant moments and laughed at myself.
I'm sure there will be many more where that came from.
Okay, time to go to the gym. This will be a tough night. I haven't been to the gym in a while. Mother Miriam, say tehillim for me......

Ain't It Purty?

2007-03-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it...after all that, it's finally here. I am so happy!
For those of you who have never owned a mac, and for those of you who have but have never been forcibly separated from your beloved mac, I will try to explain this to you. Until yesterday, I was left without my mac for over a month. I was going through withdrawals, foaming at the mouth, having seizures...I almost didn't survive....almost. I was like a photographer without a camera, a lifeguard without a whistle, a freelance writer without a pen and paper. I was a freelance writer without a medium. Awful. And then the day came. That glorious day of my salvation, when I picked up the phone and heard that sweet voice on the other end:
"Ronit?"
"Yes"
"Your laptop is here and ready. You can come pick it up."
"Really?"
"Really."
I about died when I heard that. I. about. died.
So here it is, my new baby; she is going to help me make a lot of money too.

I would like to formally, although not finally, thank my grandparents - the Scheyer gma and gpa, and my gma Chandler. They saw I was in distress and helped generously and benevolently, and especially at this time when I needed them the most. Thank you.
One more view:

Working Hard

2007-03-28T02:07:00.000-07:00

I am officially a freelance writer, although not yet published.
Yay!
I am working, part time, on my own time really, for a Online Travel Publication - TripCart.com, writing up an enormously large project, detailing almost everything you would ever want to know when traveling to the Oregon Coast.
The bad news: there is none, really, except maybe the lack of guarrantee of income/payment. One word - freelance.
The good news: there is no bad news. Better than that, I work on my schedule, I set my deadlines (with pushes from my editor, who is a real 'ball breaker'- exactly what I need) and I'm working with a subject about which I know a lot already and will be an expert on before I'm finished.
Lastly, it's my first real job in Israel, and....I don't even need the Hebrew for it.
Just say yes to income....
Well, that's all for now.
Must go to work so I have something to turn into the editor tomorrow.

Purim...again, Dead Sea, and Why I Live in Israel

2007-03-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

One of the pics I tried to post earlier. Jacqui (roommate) and I at the purim party. I'm on the right, in case you didn't know.

Maya and I at the Dead Sea:

Charlie's Angels wannabe:

Why I live in Israel:

I am hugging a Roman-era pillar found in the Cardo area of the Old City in Jerusalem. This is a representation of one of the main reasons I moved to Israel - the history, the archaeology, the incredible things that have happened in this place of which I now get to be a part. I am another link in the chain. I love that. That's the smile on my face, from deep within.

A Lesson in Empowerment

2007-03-09T02:00:00.000-08:00

Per my last post, I would like to say a few things about UYO - Understanding Yourself and Others, the course I took a couple of weeks ago.
I first heard about the course while reading a woman's blog that I frequented before making aliyah. She is a new oleh herself (or was a newbie like me at some point - now a veteran relative to me) and described the course as 'the weekend that changed my life'. Okay, I was interested, although skeptical. Changing my life in one weekend? Hm....not so much.
I then read an article she had written about the course and was inspired that this might actually be something worthwhile. So, being the adventure-seeker that I am, I signed up for the course.
I arrived Wednesday evening nervous, afraid and self-conscious, with all of my well-developed defenses operating at full power. Our first order of business was an exercise centering around our attitudes and defense levels. The instructors began engaging individual students in simple conversations to determine whether the student was 'in learning' or 'in protection'. Learning, they explained, allows us to be open to an absorb any new information or ideas into our minds and hearts. Protection, you might imagine, does the opposite; it is an important mode of defense that we use to protect ourselves at key moments. Neither protection nor learning is better or worse than the other. There's really no need to put a value judgment on either of them. The point was to make sure that we were, first of all, aware of which mode we were operating in at any given moment, and, second of all, to make sure that we could be in learning at that moment, which was the best place to be in order to get the most we could out of the course - for ourselves.
The real purpose of the course was just what the title suggests, but much more - to peel off the layers of pain, rejection (my hold up) and mistaken beliefs that we have formulated about ourselves, the world and our place in it and to begin to see ourselves in all of our magnificence, power and potential so that we can better fulfill our vision for the world.
The course is structured so that it does not end until every student feels 'complete', like they have gotten out of the course what they came to get out of it. This was a different thing for everyone, but everyone left with a feeling of real personal empowerment and a real connection to themselevs and other people.
Without providing too much detail, I experienced and completed some real breakthroughs within myself in relation to my brother and myself, which had been real hold ups for me for as long as I can remember. The instructors created an intention for me: "Expect the best - you will create it". The hit home. I realized, first of all, that, although I consider myself a very intuitive and 'in touch' person, these people could intuit and see parts of me better than I could and, second of all that I really truly believed, with everything in me, that at some point these good things that were happening to me were going to fall apart. I believed that, eventually, no matter how good things were going, the bottom was going to fall out, that I was going to fail, that my life was going to blow up in a big mushroom cloud of nuclear destruction. Great outlook on life, huh?
The thing is, this belief that I had was not connected in any way to reality. I was helped to see that this was simply a mistaken belief that I had formulated when I was growing up, connected to some experience I had. the truth is, kids are great at feeling things and experiencing things but lousy at interpreting them. I had simply misinterpreted some experience that I had had and held on to that belief deep inside, whether it served me or not, or even whether I was conscious of it or not.
With this in mind, it was not revolutionary to figure out what to do next - find out where the belief came from and change it. What was revolutionary was actually changing it.
The instructors took one of my earliest memories, which, for the sake of your time and mine I will not go into here, and recreated it. It was painful; I allowed myself to go back there, to feel the pain that I had felt. I literally felt like I was back in that place. We recreated the experience with a role play, and then they did something I was not expecting. The instructors set up the same experience but simply tweaked the ending, which turned the experience from one of pain and rejection to one of love and acceptance and friendship. I was in shock. I literally felt as if I was back there again and that the situation was different. I really was loved; I really was accepted. It really is true. It is amazing.
All it took, honestly, was altering reality in my head. Yes, I know this sounds like a cult or something, but if you think about it it really makes sense. Every day, with every experience we have, we develop some belief about the world and where we stand in it. Could it be possible that we are creating an alternate reality in our heads that doesn't actually exist? What if we could create a happy reality in our heads? Just a thought.....
This was, at the surface level, the beginning of the jist of my UYO experience. Of course, there is so much more, especially stuff that I am still processing today. I am truly beginning to see my own magnificence. I never had any problem seeing the amazing qualities of my fellow human beings, but BELIEVING myself to be a brilliant, fabulous and powerful person...this is new. And I am loving it. I am loving that sweet, innocent, witty, gorgeous little girl that still lives passionately within me, the one with all the potential for changing the world. I am loving that this same sweet, beautiful girl is me.
I wish you all an excellent day and, for my jewish readers, a peaceful shabbat.

Purim '07. Could it be just a little more boring please?

2007-03-04T12:56:00.000-08:00

It's Purim!!!! (Note, I was trying to post a picture on here, but it's NOT WORKING!! boohoo. Next time...)
This is actually one of my most favorite holidays and my first Purim in Israel. I've seen people dressed up in their costumes since the middle of last week and lots of litle kids dressed up as princesses, cowboys/girls (p.c.: cowpeople?) and spiderman.
I should be out having a party right now, but no.....I had to go and get sick today. Wait wait, don't worry about me. It's just a small head cold that will go away once I stop staying up until the wee hours of the morning every night when I have to get up early the next morning. So, it's 10 pm right now, the night before Purim in Jerusalem, probably the biggest party night of the year, and I must be the only person out of over a hundred living in this ulpan in bed talking to you people. Okay, you're right I'm talking to myself, but I can pretend, can't I?
I actually already had my party day today, as far as I'm concerned. Today, my good friend Maya and I took a bus down to the Dead Sea. We floated in the slimy, salty water, rolled around in the mud pile, rubbed mud all over ourselves, sat in the sun talking to an enourmous group of wonderful Nigerians (whom I think we saw in Jerusalem yesterday afternoon), got back in the water, washed the mud off of our skin, soaked in the hot spring/mineral bath, ate some ice cream and returned to Jerusalem just in time for a hot shower and dinner. IT. WAS. DIVINE. My skin feels silky smooth. I got more sun than I get in a whole winter in Oregon, and I am perfectly content to fall asleep to Indiana Jones right after I finish this post.
I just want to say a word about something I will try to blog on in the near future (god knows where I will find the time).
Last weekend, I participated in a group course entitled Understanding Yourself and Others, or UYO for short. The basic function of this course was, in short, to allow the us, the participants, to identify and understand the ways in which we sabotage relationships, and, furthermore, to strip off the layers of destructive behavioral and thought patterns that prevent us from getting what we really want - to connect to and be close to people - and that keep us from fulfilling our destinies on this planet. And all of this in one weekend. Let me just say that it was incredibly amazing, and I am still processing through the weekend and carrying powerful lessons and breakthoughs with me. For those of you living in Israel, there will be another UYO course in Jerusalem, in the second week of May. Check back for more about it here, or check out the blog authored by the woman who brought it to Israel (chayyeisarah.blogspot.com)
My friends keep asking me if it really was a life-changing experience. My relativist answer is that all experiences are life-changing, even you reading this sentence on this page right now. I have just changed your life....The real answer is that yes, it did change my life, not by virtue of the power of the course or the people or even the instructors (who are incredible teachers and people), but by virtue of my choice to change my life because of what I learned. This is the key. I made a choice, and I am different (positively) because of it.
I'll leave it at that (while I'm ahead). And go nurse my cold.
Au Revoir, L'hiraot, Sayonara. G'night.

John Cleese Letter to America

2007-02-18T06:52:00.000-08:00

(No commentary necessary. Very funny.)

Variant of 'Notice of Revocation of Independence' purportedly authored by John Cleese (Dec. 2004)

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.

John Cleese

שלום לכולם

2007-02-08T12:44:00.000-08:00

שלום לכולם! מה שלוםכם? אני מקווה שהכל בסדר איתכם וגם ש אתם בריים ומאושרים. הכל בסדר איתי. רק עכשיו חזרתי מהבריכהת ששם שחיתי. היה מצוין, בדיוק מה שהייתי צריכה לעשות. זה מה שאני חייבת לזכור, שבכל ש מצבים, בכל הזמן, אני חייבת לקחת זמן לעצמית לנוח לקרוא לאכול אוכל טוב וברי ולטפול לעצמי. זה ממש חשוב לזכור.
Okay, just so you don't feel left out, I'll translate my first ever Hebrew post (even if it was just one paragraph): Hello everyone! How are you? I hope that everything is okay and also that you are healthy and happy. Everything is fine with me. Just now, I returned from the pool where I got to swim. It was excellent, exactly what I needed to do for myself. This is what I have to remember, that in every situation, all the time, I need the take time for myself to rest, to read, to eat good and healthy food and to take care of myself. This is really important to remember.
So, I would post more, but I am in the dodgy computer room, the communal madhouse. Why am I not posting on my own laptop?? Last Thursday, there was a power outage in our dorm building, and my powerpack for my laptop is fried....Shame!!! HavaL! We're trying to get it worked out, but it has been quite the drag....Oh well, life goes on. But this post does not.
Laila Tov! Goodnight!

Another first...

2007-01-30T07:09:00.000-08:00

I am so exhausted, drained and worn out – from the busyness, from the constant noise and people everywhere in this building, from the constant getting up early and going to sleep late. I just want to write something, something very important, but I’m not even sure I have the energy,
You probably heard about what happened in Eilat yesterday. There was, what we call in Israel, a pigua, an attack, more specifically, a suicide bombing. A young man from Gaza City crossed the border into Egypt, crossed back over into Israel near Eilat, where the border is not so heavily guarded, and blew himself up in a bakery around 10 in the morning. Three people were murdered, may their memories be a blessing, including a young immigrant named Yisrael Samoliya, 26, from Peru.
There are a few things noteworthy about this specific pigua. First of all, Eilat has never been hit by a suicide bomber before. This was the first such attack in a city known for its tourism, both Israeli and foreign, which was probably intended to send the message that not even the most comfortable, nicest vacation spot in Israel is safe. Second of all, it was the first pigua in almost a year, if I am not mistaken. This is not for lack of trying on the part of those who would try to perpetrate such attacks, but rather for increasingly effective security steps taken by the military and the police. Thank God that this is the first attack in such a long time, but it is really horrible. According to the Jerusalem Post, there were only three people in the bakery at the time – the bakery’s two young owners and an employee, mentioned above. Investigators think that the terrorist heard police sirens (the police had been given a tip about someone suspicious matching his description), became nervous and walked into the nearest place, where he detonated his bomb. Savage. Really barbaric.
The last thing about this pigua is that it is the first one since I have lived here, as an Israeli. I know I have been saying lots of things (and blogging them, when I have time) about my first this and my first that in Israel, and I will continue to do this as new things arise. Here’s another one, I guess – my first pigua as an Israeli. I just feel sick.
Another thing that hit me when I was reading the article in the J Post was the young man who was killed. He was an oleh, a new immigrant, just like me, just like the hundred plus other people with whom I am living, eating and studying at the moment. His parents live in Miami. He left his family, his home country – everything behind to start a new life here. He had hopes, dreams and passions that he wanted to fulfill here. He was living out his dream, and he was viciously murdered. What a horrible tragedy! I can hardly believe it. And it hits close to home.
I will say one thing last of all. This is a part of living in this country. I’m not fatalistic; I don’t believe that it has to be this way. But this is the reality; this is what we live with. It sucks, it hurts, and I hope and pray with all of my might that things will change and that I can be a part of that change for the better. Maybe I am crazy. Okay, I am crazy. What kind of sane person would do what I’ve done – leave everything behind and come live in this crazy country where nothing is easy and not much works? We’ll leave this for another time….
The Torah describes the land of Canaan as “a land that devours its inhabitants”. In the next paragraph, it calls this land “a land flowing with milk and honey”. (Numbers 13:32; 14:8) So which is it?
Judaism also teaches that the middle path is the best, that extremes are dangerous. That’s my answer.

What, am I in college again or something?

2007-01-27T14:11:00.000-08:00

Here are some pics of my new living quarters - my room, my bed/space on the right, the hallway, which isn't actually so scary-looking during the day when more sunlight gets in. If my roommate wasn't so great, I think I'd be going crazy.

Oh, and here's a great picture of my lovely South African roommate, Jacqui, and me, with the city of Jerusalem in the background.

Safe and Sound at the New Ulpan

2007-01-18T11:18:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't blogged recently. You don't have to tell me. This weekend, I plan on taking a quiet afternoon and letting you know, in detail, what's been going on in my CRAZY life since I last posted.
I just moved into Ulpan Etzion (the first ulpan established in the state of Israel). I live in a dorm-type setting, have two roommates (one from South Africa whom I absolutely love and another from Kazakhstan or Russia - I've not yet been able to get a clear answer on this - whom I have seen once since she moved in two days ago).
Ulpan classes began on Wednesday. I was put into Bet-Shalosh, for those of you who know. For the rest of you - it's like I'm starting in the third term of Sophomore year, second level, third tier. Four words: I need a break. My brain hurts. It's all in Hebrew, and, although I understand 95% of what she says, after an hour or two, I NEED a brain-break. Today (Thursday) was easier than the first day, but I have SOOO much homework!
But.....the social life calls. Thursday night here, being the night before the day the Sabbath starts, is the party night. Actually, Israelis will party just as hard any night of the week, but Thursday night even more so.
A few of my new friends and I are going out for a drink in a few minutes. Fun!
Just to give you an idea of the truly international-meeting place this ulpan is: my roommates - South Africa, Kazakhstan/Russia; my friend in class - Australia; the girls next door - Miami, originally from Brasil and France; the girls across the hall - Las Vegas and Uruguay, and I am sitting in a room with three notoriously loud Brasilians and an American. Phew!

What's That White Stuff? And Why Is It So Cold?!

2006-12-28T00:16:00.000-08:00

28 December 2006. Har Gilo.
“Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? In J'lem, snow is glistening…”
"Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful. And even though I have a hundred places to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...”.
“…Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling ‘’ahlo! Ma hamatzav?’”
If you have seen any news blips on your TV lately saying something about snow in Jerusalem, they’re not kidding. Tuesday night, the wind began howling, the rain falling, and a HUGE thunderstorm kept me in that frustrating place between a really good sleep and being wide awake. On Wednesday morning, I forced myself up, out into the blistering cold and onto the bus to ulpan, all the time thinking, “I should have stayed in bed today”. (On a side note, I am really glad that I got up. This guy I really like was riding the bus to work in the morning and took me out for coffee before we went our separate ways. Of course, had I known I was going to see him, I would have put some makeup on or something…oh well) I made it to ulpan and afterward, already soaked from the ten minute walk to the bus stop, got on the first bus home. Baruch Hashem (thank god!) I got home when I did. Around 2pm, it began snowing and hadn’t stopped when I went to bed around midnight. Here are the pictures. The sequence goes: yesterday afternoon, when I thought I should take a picture, not sure if the snow would stick around or not, last night, when I truly felt as though I were ‘walking in a winter wonderland’, and this morning – wow!

As you can see, the skies are clear and sunny this morning, although that cold, biting wind has come back. Somebody said (I think it was FOG, oops! Fox news) that Jerusalem gets heavy snow only once every seven years. The forecasters are predicting a likely return of the snow tonight, but we’ll see. As long as it’s gone by Sunday morning, I’m happy. Today, I’m just hanging out at home. I don’t even want to hassle with trying to get off this mountain today. Tomorrow my good friend Levi (aka Travis Fink, for those of you who know), who just began his army training/service last week, is coming for Shabbat. Yay!! I’m so excited to see him in his green uniform, although I know he’s just going to sleep the whole time (new soldiers are infamously sleep-deprived here), but that’s okay with me.

The Iranian, I mean Seleucid, Madman

2006-12-23T07:38:00.000-08:00

Today (Shabbat) was the last day of my first Jewish holiday in Israel. Chanukah was never one of my favorite holidays and, to tell you the truth, because of its proximity to Christmas, I celebrated it with much more fanfare in the States. It’s not that I didn’t like Chanukah. On the contrary, the magical but simplistic way in which the light from the menorah grows each day as a new candle is added and lit always got me, here, you know. Also, I will never turn down the opportunity to eat latkes and yogurt, latkes and applesauce, latkes and butter, etc. Plus, the dreidel game was always a treat (although I didn’t find anyone who would play with me – maybe they are afraid I would beat them? They’re right. They should be afraid). Okay, so I do like Chanukah, just not as much as Purim, Sukkot or Passover (my personal favorite). And now I have another reason to like Chanukah; it was my first Jewish holiday as an Israeli. As a Jew and as an Israeli I definitely read the story of the Maccabees in a different, more personal light, and (forgetting for one moment my tendency to criticize religious interpretation that disregards historical fact) take hope from a message that is both ancient and contemporary: the mighty are not always victorious. Sometimes, at the critical moment, the weak, outnumbered and outgunned, triumph over seemingly insurmountable odds.
Although this is a general message for all peoples, individuals as well as nations, this is also a message specifically for the Jewish people at this very moment. A raging madman is again declaring publicly and unabashedly his intentions to destroy the Jewish people. Is the world listening? Some, including Benjamin Netanyahu, are comparing this time to the late 1930s, and Ahmedinejad to Hitler. Here’s the difference: this madman could very shortly have nuclear weapons in his possession. What would stop him from blowing up Tel Aviv if given the chance? In the blink of an eye, a good chunk of Israel’s population, Jew and Arab alike, would be incinerated. Is anybody paying attention? As isolated threats, the words of this madman do not scare me. However, combined with his insistence on possessing nukes, his threats to annihilate the Jewish people are terrifying. I’ll spare you the political analysis today and move on a different track.
What about Chanukah? In the traditional story of Chanukah, an evil madman sought to destroy the Jewish people, not by slaughtering them (we’ll get to that when Purim comes), but by forbidding them to practice their religion. He forbade them to circumcise their sons, persecuted them for keeping the Sabbath and only eating kosher food, and forbade them from studying Torah, practices that have united our people and ensured our survival for centuries. Worse, some Hellenized Jews encouraged their fellow Jews to cast off their ancient traditions and embrace the marvels of the modern world. (Sound familiar assimilationists?) This was not an extermination campaign with weapons or arms, at least not in the beginning, but an extermination-by-culture campaign. According to tradition, a small group of courageous, pious and nationalistic Jews, the Maccabees, took back their country and ensured the survival of the Jewish people by preserving an atmosphere that would allow them to practice their religion and traditions freely and pass them on to the next generation. Against all odds, this small band of freedom fighters defeated the mighty Seleucid/Greek army. They were outnumbered and outgunned, and every military and practical assessment would have shown the odds to be against them, but with courage, hope, and innovative never-before-seen guerrilla warfare operations, they were victorious.
The conclusion I draw from this is a feeling of hope and empowerment. We are the Jewish people. We are Israel. They have tried over and over again to destroy us, to annihilate us and to wipe out our memory from the face of the earth, and they have failed. Where are the Pharoahs? Where are the Assyrians and the Babylonians? Where are the Persian Empire, the Roman Empire and the Crusaders? Where are the Inquisitioners and the Fascists? Where is Hitler? Perhaps the Iranian madman doesn’t know his history (he did, after all organize a conference to deny something every intelligent human being, including the Germans who did it, agree happened), or perhaps he thinks he is different. Perhaps he believes he will succeed where Haman, Antiochus, Haj amin al-Husseini and Hitler failed. This is my response: Mr. Madman, the odds are against you. We are not going anywhere. Five hundred years from now your name will be less than a memory, and the Jewish people will still be what they are: a strangely resilient, courageous and peace-loving people.
“But you, O mountains of Israel, shall shoot out your branches, and yield your fruit to my people Israel; for they shall soon come home. See now, I am for you; I will turn to you, and you shall be tilled and sown; and I will multiply your population, the whole house of Israel, all of it; the towns shall be inhabited and the waste places rebuilt; and I will multiply human beings and animals upon you. They shall increase and be fruitful; and I will cause you to be inhabited as in your former times, and will do more good to you than ever before. Then you shall know that I am Hashem (the LORD). I will lead people upon you – my people Israel – and they shall possess you; and you shall be their inheritance”. –Ezekiel 36.8-12

Chanukah!!

2006-12-21T00:57:00.000-08:00

23 December 2006. Har Gilo.
Okay, okay. I know you’re all dying to hear from me, to get some smidgen of information. What’s going on? Is this person still alive? What’s she doing over there? Relax, relax. I’m still here. I’ve simply been neglecting my posting duties. My apologies.
Chanukah began last Friday night. Here, we marked the holiday by lighting the Chanukah menorah (see picture) and eating latkes (fried potato pancakes, like hashbrowns but better) and a lot of sufganiyot (Chanukah donuts, not your typical Dunkin’ Donuts-a-dollar-a-dozen-heart-attacks-in-disguise-cop-food-treats). Mom lovingly sent me a Chanukah package (complete with chocolate, Chanukah candles – as if I couldn’t get them here, and some of my favorite Trader Joe’s treats), and we had a weeklong break from ulpan (which I thought I would hate, but I didn’t). Aside from this, and a lot of sales in almost every direction you turn, Chanukah is a typical minor excuse-for-a-celebration Jewish holiday. Even if it is just an excuse for a celebration, you won’t hear me complaining, at least not about that.
Last weekend we took a trip to Haifa, a huge city on Israel’s northern coast. I loved Haifa – the sea, the lush surrounding area and the relaxed nature. Per previous posts, I reiterate my desire to not live in Jerusalem when I grow up. I do not want to live in the city, much less in one as tense and tinderbox-ish as J’lem. I say this with an ironic sneer and then a knowing chuckle, as I am moving INTO the city in less than three weeks. Without further vilifying my beloved city, we’ll just leave it at this: J’lem is a really nice place to visit.
So what was different about Haifa? For starters, Haifa is Israel’s quintessential red city. No, this isn’t referring to blood or any famous pomegranates Haifa may have (of which I am unaware), but to its history as the Jewish communist stronghold in Israel. Haifa is the haven of the leftists (with a lowercase ‘L’), peaceniks and those who are more interested in mutual Arab-Jewish cooperation and understanding than any political or religious ideology. We can say simply that, without knowing anything, the city feels more relaxed.
I took some nice pictures for you to see:

The view from my room in Haifa:

The view south from Rosh Haniqra, at the Lebanese border – beautiful, in a word. I want to live here;

The border itself (very very quiet, almost like the Oregon coast except for the patrolling gunboats):

Later in the day we took a trip up to the top of Mt. Carmel. “Bible History for 300“. What happened on Mt. Carmel? Oh, come on. You don’t know? I’ll give you a hint. His name rhymes with Pewieja, Meriegah and Frurierah. I found a picture of him, too, really old. Okay it’s not a picture, well it is…oh never mind:

Does anyone know? Oh, alright. I’ll tell you. This is where Elijah had the famous standoff with the prophets of Ba’al and slaughtered them all. (Find the story in 1 Kings 18:20 and following).
Here are some pictures from the top of Mt. Carmel. This valley is the Jezreel Valley, or the Valley of Megiddo, where some people think the battle of Armageddon will take place.
Regardless, it really is a beautiful area, lush, green and fertile to no end.

Well, that’s all for today. Ulpan starts again tomorrow. Yay! Lederhosen.

Hanging Tough

2006-12-17T11:54:00.000-08:00

I wrote this last week, after a particularly frustrating day. Two days later, my wallet was stolen while shopping in Jerusalem. Don't worry; I'm fine now. But a word to the wise...it can always get worse.

12 December 2006. Har Gilo.
Just before I came to Israel, I read a blog in which a woman described the process of making aliyah as an ‘ego-crumbling’ experience. I would like to add something to this. The process of making aliyah is an ego-thrashing, ego-slaughtering, ego-bashing, ego-burying, ego-destroying, ego-annihilating, ego-exterminating experience. The scary thing is, I have only been here about six weeks – 44 days, to be exact – and I have a sinking feeling that this is only the beginning. I could be optimistic, tongue in cheek, and say that it could only get better, or that it couldn’t possibly get any worse, but this isn’t true. God knows that it could get a lot worse than this. All I’ve suffered is a bruised ego and some wounded pride (Oh yeah! I forgot! Making aliyah is an ego-bruising experience). Maybe it’s good for me?
This morning I was tired, not the kind of tired that makes you a little sleepy and makes you want to sit down and have a cup of coffee or something. This is the kind of tired where you cannot even form a coherent sentence in your mother tongue, much less in a foreign language that you’re trying to learn. Not even coffee would have helped me this morning.
The problem is that I knew I had to go to a certain place as soon as possible to inquire about joining the army. I knew that I would probably have to do this in Hebrew, but I was unaware until I arrived just how deficient my Hebrew skills would prove to be. The frustration comes in here because I know that I can actually speak enough Hebrew to get by, and I am learning more and more every day. In ulpan, in my comfort zone where I am the *star student*, I do very well and, on good days (not today), answer every question quickly and properly. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that it will pass in other places and other situations. Sometimes I am afraid that I will never be able to say things on which we haven’t drilled in ulpan, I am afraid that I will never be able to have a conversation past, “Moshe, I looked for you. Where were you?” or “Did someone speak with Bush? No, nobody spoke with Bush”. A completely irrational fear, I understand, but it doesn’t keep the thought from popping into my head and lingering there for a few minutes…hours…days.
I arrived at the place, told two separate people in English that I wanted to join the army and asked if they could direct me to the correct person. I went upstairs to the right office, and could. not. form. one. coherent. sentence, in. Hebrew. Dear God, help me!! Really!
For the sake of my self-esteem, I have to give myself the benefit of the doubt that it was an explosive mixture of nervousness, excitement, fatigue and desperately wanting to be accepted and desperately wanting to prove that I could do it. This all led to my temporary downfall experience and crash-and-burn-I’m-never-going-to-get-this after-feeling.
It’s not just this one situation, though. Being in a foreign country and trying to assimilate into a foreign culture with the fewest number of visible seams is an extremely taxing experience – emotionally and physically. Simple activities such as going to the supermarket or buying fruits and veggies in the market or needing to buy a pair of shoes are so much more complicated. Sometimes you feel like you just want to sit inside your house, have groceries and new clothes delivered through the mail and curl up with a good, long book in English, or Russian or whatever your language is. But you can’t always do this, and, in times like this, when you’re mentally and emotionally exhausted and ‘just a little off-kilter’, you can’t always curl up in your comfort zone. There are still things you have to do, today, things that cannot wait for tomorrow or next week. So what do you do? The only thing you can, put your head down, lift up your feet and trudge on through. You keep saying to yourself hakol yihye beseder. Everything will be fine.
In the end, I believe everything will be okay. Maybe it’s the optimist in me. One day I will speak Hebrew, one day I will no longer feel like an immigrant, a greenie, a newbie, one day I will see everything I desire materialize in my hands. Today, I will work hard, today I will do my best, and today I will believe that I will see the fruit of my painstaking labor and sweat.

Free Hugs in Tel Aviv

2006-12-03T05:49:00.001-08:00

The first time I watched this video, it made me cry.....okay so I only teared up. But I was crying inside. It's a really beautiful video, which I think really puts into perspective all of our kvetching (complaining) and bickering, not just in Israel, but in the rest of the world as well.
At the end of the day, we're all human beings. At the end of the day, we could all use a hug.
The best thing about giving a hug is that you get a hug in return. It's the gift that gives back. Have you hugged someone today???

A Picture Perfect Path

2006-12-03T04:17:00.000-08:00

Last week, I took one afternoon and walked around part of the city taking pictures. These pictures in no way represent a comprehensive picture of Jerusalem, but it is a start.
Looking through the photos later on, I noticed a not too subtle theme that ran though the set. Most of the pictures I took had something to do with a street or a road or an alley or a walkway, not something I had planned in any way when shooting.
Now, my psychiatrist (and my new friend Rivka) would ask: “What do roads/paths mean to you?” So let’s do a little psychoanalysis into my subconscious behavior.
Hm, you walk down roads, and they take you places. You have Robert Frost: “I took the road less traveled”, and the Roman adage: “All roads lead to Rome”. Roads were the arteries of the Roman Empire; in the case of Alexander the Great, they led to a previously unseen and unexperienced cultural diffusion, which changed the world.
I am on a road right now, proverbially. (Physically, I’m actually in a coffee shop on Hillel Street). You are also on a road right now, moving somewhere, traveling to new places, meeting new people, experiencing new things. We are all on a journey; we are all walking down a path, a road, a walkway. Where are you going? Which path are you on?

One thing that I have learned, that I am still learning is that the journey’s worth is equal to that of the destination. In other words, some people become so focused on where they are going that they develop tunnel vision and fail to recognize the beauty and the worth of the road on which they walk.
I live in Israel. For the last seven years, basically all of my adult life, I have wanted one thing above all – to live in Israel. There were times when I could not recognize or appreciate the beauty of my path because I was too focused on the destination. All I could see was where I wanted to go; I couldn’t appreciate where I was. I found that life requires a balance between being focused enough on the goal to achieve the dream and being able to open your eyes a little wider and see the worth of the path and the work it takes to realize the dream.
Look at these beautiful streets. People walk on them every day without a second thought, without awareness.

These last two are my favorites. I think it’s the palm trees. The first is a little walkway off of Hamelech David (King David St), if you know it. It is near the Old City and my ulpan.
The second is the promenade leading from West Jerusalem into the Old City, through the Jaffa Gate. (If you know your geography, Jaffa is on the western coast of Israel; the Jaffa gate is called that because it is the gate one would have walked through if coming on the road from Jaffa, from the West). Notice the Old City walls and, to the right of the Jaffa Gate, the Citadel of David (which, incidentally has nothing to do with David).

And the Rockets Keep Falling

2006-11-27T02:51:00.000-08:00

This weekend, I spoke with some family members on Friday who had been together for Thanksgiving. Most common questions: “Things staying quiet over there?” and “Are you okay?”
Well, it’s a complex question, as usual. So, for this post I will only focus on one aspect of ‘the situation’, although this aspect could take chapters and chapters to explain.
In the South, very near the border with Gaza, a town called Sderot and its surrounding communities has been hit with rockets from northern Gaza every day. An Israeli woman was killed early last week, and in the same barrage, a young man who was one of Defense Minister Peretz’s bodyguards was severely wounded. They had to amputate both of his legs. This last week, another man was severely wounded. He later died from his wounds, just days before his son’s Bar Mitzvah, unless I am mistaken. The Defense Minister is from Sderot; his house is there. Still, rockets keep falling. Last week, in a twenty-four hour period, at least ten of these huge rockets fell on the town.
Every day, several times a day, the sirens sound and the residents hurry to bomb shelters or wherever they can find safety.
The most emotional stories I’ve heard are those of the kids. Many of them stay home from school because they’re too afraid to go outside. The ones who do go to school are so scared and stressed out they can’t even focus. The teachers say that they have to spend most of their time trying to get the kids to focus and calm down, and in the remaining time they try to teach them something and progress with the curriculum. When I was a kid, we did earthquake drills in which we all got under our desks and held on so that we wouldn’t fall out or something. These kids all run to the bomb shelters when the sirens sound.
Here is an excerpt from a Jerusalem Post article detailing a few aspects of the situation:
“We arrive at the first [nursery school] a little after 8:30 a.m. All the children are already sitting in their seats, thinking that at this very time Wednesday a few rockets fell so close to this place, and killed Yaakov Yaakobov (the man previously mentioned), who was buried Wednesday afternoon…[And] we speak with the teachers.
One of them, Debbie, details how they had just managed to go to their security room with 15 children aged 3-5, in 15 seconds. She describes how they walk quickly, in a way that has already become routine, stay quiet and wait to hear the explosion of the rocket. The children, she says, have already gotten used to this somehow.
Debbie mentions that the children have begun to take yoga classes, trying to ease the unnatural reality of not being able to play outside in the nursery school playground. No one is taking chances these days in Sderot.
When they go home, Debbie says she reminds the children not to go to any playground and to run home as fast as they can.
The children’s parents do not have private cars to pick up their kids, and we can see them trotting alongside their youngsters to get them home as fast as possible. It’s surreal to see the empty playground, built recently to improve the quality of life in Sderot. Debbie remarks that the last time the children were allowed in the playground was a month ago…
When we arrive at the next nursery school, Ofra the teacher is talking about snails, which turn up in the winter, and asks the children, ‘Why does the snail have a shell?’ The children answer in chorus: ‘So it can be protected from the Kassams’.”
Just imagine for a moment that one of your children or grandchildren goes to one of these schools. Imagine the utter terror and numbing fear these little people experience every day of their lives – the children at school, hearing sirens half a dozen times a day (these are not drills; they are actually attacks) and walking quickly to the shelters; the parents waiting and wondering if their children will be alive when they go to pick them up after school. Three year olds are showing symptoms of PSTD, and only half of them have been treated. Six year olds, who are the oldest to have never lived without the Kassams (the barrages started six years ago), travel outside of Sderot and notice immediately things six year olds should never have to think about – the security room isn’t big enough for the number of children assigned to it, the school isn’t properly protected, etc, etc. Still the rockets keep falling.
This weekend, a ceasefire was negotiated between Israel and the Palestinian militant groups, including Hamas and Fatah. Hamas officials promised that, if the IDF would withdraw from Northern Gaza, then the rocket attacks against Israel, including Sderot, would end. Saturday night, the IDF pulled out of Northern Gaza. The ceasefire went into effect at 6 a.m. Not thirty minutes later, the warning sirens went off in Sderot – rockets had been fired from Northern Gaza and were headed straight for the town. The ‘ceasefire’, which was a sham in the first place, in my humble opinion, was over before it began. It was a sham because the only purpose of Hamas’ existence, very clearly and unabashedly stated in their charter, which you can Google and read at your leisure, is the destruction of Israel. Why would such a group honestly and with good intention agree to a ceasefire with the very people they exist to exterminate? This is not rocket science, people.
To be fair to Hamas (ha!), the rockets were not fired by Hamas people, although God knows they have everything to do with the problem and nothing to do with the solution. Israel was the only partner in this two-entity deal who kept their end of the bargain flawlessly. Also note that those who are firing rockets are firing weapons intended to kill innocent people – children in preschools, women walking on the street, men doing their jobs. The idea is to kill as many people as possible. When the IDF sent men into Gaza, they did it with the sole intent of stopping these indiscriminant attacks on civilians, these acts of terrorism. In other words, they did it in self-defense. For, what country in the world lets these things happen to their children without acting out in self-defense? And who in their right mind would condemn such a country for trying to protect their children?
And yet the ‘ceasefire’ was broken, and the rockets keep falling.
This is all coming in the context of the post-Lebanon War mess. The war exposed a lot of weaknesses and corrupt behavior in the Israeli government, things that wouldn’t have made much of a difference without a war, but you know… Now 80% of Israelis think that the Defense Minister (yes, the one who lives in Sderot) should step down or be fired if he won’t. The President is being investigated on rape charges (or maybe he was acquitted, can’t remember), and the Prime Minister on something having to do with tax fraud.
And the country keeps on going, as it always has (unless the bus drivers strike or there’s a sudden gas shortage). Ulpan keeps on going, thank God, and the world keeps on spinning.

A good full day

2006-11-26T08:20:00.000-08:00

Well, I've just spent the entire afternoon walking around Jerusalem taking some neat pictures for you all to see. Phew! I'm beat.
The pics should be up soon, either tomorrow or Tuesday. In the meantime, feel free to check back in the next 24 hours for a new post overviewing a bit of the current political situation here (as much as I know of it, which isn't much).
Ulpan was great today. I didn't know any of the words they taught us today, which means....I learned new words!!! Yay!!
Previously, there has been maybe two or three 'new' words a week, which I didn't know. Now we are starting to learn words and grammatical constructions that are new for me, and this, God willing, may be the beginning of the end of my 'please go faster and teach me something new because I am bored!!!' problem in ulpan. It had better be; I'm paying for it, right?
Welp, see ya later!

Feelin' Better!

2006-11-18T08:36:00.000-08:00

Boy, someone must have been talking to the big guy upstairs for me because I feel sooo much better!! Maybe it was the ten hours of sleep two nights in a row....
So, don't worry. I'll be up and ready to go tomorrow and ready to keep you up to date on my life without having to blow my nose after typing each word.
Shavua tov is what we say in Israel on Saturday night and Sunday morning after the Sabbath. It means "A good week".
So, Shavua Tov!
Later

That's so sick!

2006-11-17T04:36:00.000-08:00

So, I was planning on posting something new today, Friday being the only day where I can sit and think and write, that isn't Shabbat. Unfortunately, the universe seems to have had different plans.
I picked something up.
My head feels like it is about to explode. The pressure is centered around my eyes - sinus stuff - and my nose is running like a fugitive with hounds on his trail. My eyes are burning and watering, and clear liquid keeps dripping down the back of my throat, making me cough, which makes my eyes water more. Then I sneeze, and it begins all over again.
Sleeping is a whole other deal. When I woke up this morning, my nose was stuffed solid with godknowswhat.
So, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Hopefully, since I have some time to rest and sleep more this weekend, I'll be better for class on Sunday.

Life on the Other Side - In Pictures!

2006-11-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

As promised, some pictures of my first weeks in Ha'aretz ('the Land'):

This is, fortunately or unfortunately, the only physical proof (despite the possibility of using photoshop to create a semblance of reality) of my being in Israel. It was taken on my first weekend in the country at the archaeological sight of the Roman/Herodian aqueduct in Caesarea, on the Northern Israeli coast. It was built to bring water to the city of Caesarea, which was built as an administrative center by King Herod in honor of...you guessed it, Caesar (specifically Caesar Augustus, or, more formally Divi Augusti Octavianus, 'the divine Augustus, formerly known as Octavian', or something like that). My friend Nancy, who is also my landlady, took the picture as I stood on top of the aqueduct.

Here is another picture of the aqueduct, from another angle. Neat, huh? The Romans were masters of architecture and of bringing water to remote reaches of the Empire in order to facilitate a sort of globalization of the ancient world. Judea was no exception, especially because of the construction projects of Herod the Great, who is famous for being the greatest builder and developer of the Roman period, among other things.

After visiting the aqueduct, we went to the real site of ancient Caesarea. According to Josephus Flavius (the most prominent Jewish-Roman historian of the ancient world), King Herod 'built a harbor where there was none'. He literally constructed a place for ships to come in and out in the middle of the coastline, where no natural harbor existed in that area. He also built a quintessential Roman-style city, complete with an amphitheater, a hippodrome for gladiatorial games and horse races, a temple to 'Rome and Augustus', a subterranean sewer system 'which automatically flushed itself with the sea tides', and an administrative center from which the Romans would rule Judea after Herod's death. This is the site where Paul was questioned by Agrippa and Festus and requested to be tried before the emperor (as he was a Roman citizen and deserved such just treatment not accorded to non-Roman citizens) and where the first Jewish revolt against Rome (66-73 CE) began after conflicts between the Jewish and non-Jewish residents of the city erupted into violent riots. After the 20,000 Jewish residents of the city were slaughtered by the Greek residents (number probably inflated by Josephus), the city was completely Roman/Greek, i.e. non-Jewish in a Jewish land.
Here is a picture of the amphitheater, reconstucted and restored for modern usage:

Below is a picture of the hippodrome (think horse racing scene from Ben Hur). The seats are on the left in the picture, and they faced the Mediterranean directly opposite. If you look in the middle of the track, you can see the center structure, around which they raced. The picture is taken from the starting gates.

Here also are some pictures of my room and of the view from the backyard of the house in Har Gilo, where I live.

Notice the barbed wire fence. Har Gilo, technically on the Arab side of the 1967 Green Line, is a settlement which has been annexed by Israel. The town in the forefront of the first pic is Bethlehem, and Hevron (which is unclear in the picture but is a straight-shot south from B'hem) is past it. I will post more about Har Gilo later.
Well, have to get up early for ulpan tomorrow, so that's all for tonight. Later!

One More Example

2006-11-10T03:05:00.000-08:00

By the way, if you need one more quick and clear example of tension in J'lem...just look at the picture in the next post down (I didn't take it - still don't have access to my laptop).
Notice the Western Wall (archaically called the Wailing Wall), the holiest Jewish site in the world. Hundreds of Jews pray here every day.
Next let your eyes wander up to the big gold-plated dome above the wall. This is the Muslim Dome of the Rock, built atop the Jews' temple mount in the 600s CE. Also atop the temple mount, to the right of the Dome, although not in the picture, is the al-Aksa mosque.
When visiting the Wall at certain times of the day, one can hear the Jews praying in Hebrew, as they have done for centuries, as the Muslim call to prayer, hauntingly beautiful, echoes out from the mosque atop the temple mount.
It doesn't get much closer than that.

Jerusalem of Tension

2006-11-10T01:55:00.000-08:00

There's a popular song about the City of Jerusalem called "Yerushalayim Shel Zahav" (Jerusalem of Gold).
The chorus goes: "Jerusalem of gold and of bronze and of light...etc etc etc".
You might think, at first glance, that these things are the same in the world of poetic and artistic expression. I.e. that saying 'jerusalem of gold' is the same as saying 'jerusalem of bronze', but really these things are not the same. How can something be made of gold, widely valued as the most precious metal in the world, and of bronze, a mixed alloy made essentially of copper and tin ('the tin content not exceeding 11%,', according to dictionary.com), at the same time?
It is illogical.
Either the holy city of Jerusalem is made of pure gold, bright and beautiful, sought after for centuries by princes and paupers alike, or it is made of a base metallic mixture which could include any number of alloys, so long as copper is the main ingredient.
Right??
Now, allow me to explain the point.
I have now been here, as an Israeli citizen and a semi-resident of Jerusalem for less than two weeks (11 days, to be exact), and, although I do not claim to be, in any way shape or form, an expert on these things, certain things are clear enough that one does not have to be a rocket scientist to perceive and understand.
The song holds a certain truth, essential for beginning to understand the atmosphere, the culture and the politics of this city. Jerusalem is a city of gold. It is beautiful, shiny and precious. Its white stone literally sparkles in the sun. But, just like gold, this external beauty is deceiving.
Jerusalem is not made only of gold. It has a baser nature, often lost to tourists and golddiggers stuck in the beauty of its romantic facade.
Jerusalem is made of bronze, as well. It has crime and pollution and destructively violent religious fanaticism. It has weirdos and rapists and trash everywhere (large-scale recycling has yet to make its way to the region).
From what I have seen, Jerusalem is, above all, a city of tension. It has been called a pressure-cooker. This is an understatement.
From where does the tension come? Every. direction. imaginable.
The most common relationship talked about is that of the Israelis and Palestinians or the Jews and the Arabs. To be sure, this tension exists, but it is much more complicated that that.
I have seen the tension between the religious Jews and the secular Jews, between the natural-born Israelis and the immigrants (even those who have been in the country for twenty years), between the old and the young, between men and women, between the left and the right and the moderate, and much, much more. There is tension between different sects of religious groups, Jewish and Christian (and Muslim I am sure, though I have not seen it first-hand yet). Perhaps you have been glancing at the news and have read or heard something about the gay-pride parade/rally scheduled to take place in Jerusalem at this very moment (Friday midday) which has been protested vehemently (and sometimes violently) by the haredi orthodox in Israel. This is another stark example of the tension, and this is not as simple as a conflict between the religious and the secular.
According to surveys about which I've read in the Jerusalem Post, there are many people who feel such as I do: for the sake of democracy, freedom of expression, and freedom of and from religion, the parade/rally must be allowed to take place. However, for the sake of peace and respect for the religious sensibilites of others (even if the belief is not shared), the parade does not have to take place in Jerusalem. It has always taken place in Tel Aviv. Let it take place in Tel Aviv, the cultural capital of Israel. Moreover, even if the religious have a legitimate argument and protest point, engaging in violent protest (burning cars and throwing rocks at fellow Jews) is counterproductive and gives them, without any help from the media, the stigma that they detest and decry.
There are hundreds more examples I could cite. I will be posting more on this in the future. I wanted to give you a picture of the atmosphere I have experienced so far. Please comment if you have something to say or wish to respond.

Pictures Coming Soon

2006-11-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

Alright, peeps. Unfortunately, although I remembered to bring my laptop, underwear and 'waiter's corkscrew', I forgot to bring the outlet adaptor for my laptop. My parents, the lovely gracious people that they are, have dropped it in the mail to me, and it should arrive sometime this week. This means that, until I get it, I can't use my laptop (the batt. dies really quick because it's a little old) for very long and have not been able to post pictures. They will be coming soon....
I have some of the house where I am living, some of Jerusalem (mainly the old city) and Caesarea, an ancient Roman city built by King Herod of which I have more to say than you have patience to read.
But have some patience for the pictures. They're worth the wait.

Ulpan

2006-11-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

So, I went to ulpan here for the first time today. Ulpan, if you just made it here, is an intensive language immersion class designed to teach students to speak Hebrew and integrate into the culture/country as quickly as possible.
It was originally instituted as a program for new immigrants in the 40s, especially after 1948. The first ulpan established was Ulpan Etzion (pronounced eht-tsee-yohn), in Jerusalem. This is the ulpan that I will be attending in January, and baruch hashem (thank god) that, aside from the students' notorious partying habits, I have heard nothing but excellent things about the school.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
My temporary ulpan is called Ulpan Moresh (or Morasha, I've not been able to get a definitive answer on this) and is situated basically in the center of Jerusalem.
Every morning, because Har Gilo is a settlement and a twenty to ninety minute drive to Jerusalem depending on the traffic, I take a bus to the city at 7am. This morning was my first morning riding this bus, so naturally, especially being new to the country, I didn't have much idea of the route or where to get off. About an hour into the trip, I recognized where we were, saw that it would soon be close to where I needed to disembark (or 'go down', as it's said in Hebrew), so I pushed the stop button....about a minute too late. To my great dismay, the bus didn't stop anywhere near from where I needed to go but instead went all the way to the central station without stopping once. This left me with about ten minutes to get to my class, which is about 2 or 3 miles from the station.
So...I started to run. I ran two blocks before I realized that I would never make it in time (and what kind of a putz walks in late on the first day...not me), even if I could run fast. To make a boring story short, I hopped on a bus going in the general direction....and again got off one stop too late.
Eventually, I did make it on time (baruch hashem) and found a great seat up front.
So...since this is a post about ulpan and not me trying to figure out the Jerusalem city bus system, let me tell you a little about the class.
There were about 25 to 30 students in the class, all ages and genders included (er...both genders, I mean). The woman sitting next to me, named Alice was a nice lady, a 50-some-year old new immigrant from Pennsylvania. She knew no Hebrew whatsoever. This was a little frustrating when we were assigned partner/group work, but hopefully it will change in the future.
The teachers (there are two - one for morning and one for afternoon, and they switch each day) are awesome. Very Israeli. Very in-your-face. Spicy like a jalapeno and sweet like brown sugar at the same time. They are much like drill sargents, if you can imagine that in a language class. The class is designed to help you speak quickly. It isn't really geared towards grammatical minutiae, which is how I have studied ancient Hebrew and Hebrew in general up to this point.
I am a little bored (surprise) and wish we could go faster. But there were people today who were asking her to slow down. Her response? "You need to go faster, you know. This is an intensive Hebrew course. It will pick up". No sympathy. I have some for them, but I want to go faster and faster.
So, we will see how it progresses. I have promised to give it two weeks. If it's still too slow, I will speak with the teacher. Too bad they don't have an honors program or something....
In the end I am so thankful and excited to finally be learning Hebrew. It's really a blessing; that's the most important thing right now.

Address

2006-11-01T03:05:00.000-08:00

By the way, if any of you want to send me something, here is my address until mid-January:

Mobile Post Zephon/Yehudah 7/3
Har Gilo 90907
Israel

I also have a vonage number where I am staying (it rings in Israel but dials through America, so it doesn't count as an international call): 971-223-5172
Remember, Israel is ten hours ahead of PST.

I'm here!

2006-11-01T02:48:00.000-08:00

I'm here, everyone, safe and sound.
I flew into Tel Aviv on Sunday afternoon and have been doing all sorts of things since. I am starting to get settled, living with a friend of mine in a J'lem (Jerusalem) suburb called Har Gilo.
Yesterday, I went to the post office to register for my health insurance, which is almost basically free (at least for new immigrants, I think) - what a weird place to register for insurance....ah well.
You must know, there's really no rhyme or reason to most things here.
I also went to get my bank account, which I have to have to get my dough (in shekels) every month from the government. A very polite and helpful man named Moris told me that I have to have my teudat zehut (national I.D. card, everyone has to have one and carry it at all times) before I can get my bank account. This may or may not be true, according to whom you talk with at the bank, but he was nice so I will believe him. To get your teudat zehut, you have to go to the misrad hapnim (ministry of interior), but it was closed yesterday at noon (we were there at 1pm). So I came back early this morning to get my ID card and the man told me I have to bring my birth certificate, which wasn't on the list of things I needed (someone's fault, but you wil never figure out who). I called my friend Nancy and she brought my B.C to me, but it was already too late by th etime she was coming in to the city. So the misrad hapnim is closed right now until 2:30pm, and I cannot get my ID card until then.
So that was fun....NOT! It's an ongoing process, too. I really hope to god that I can get it today.
So, because I had some time to kill and I want to start learning Hebrew NOW (the lack of ability to communicate is enough to frustrate me into insanity), I went and checked out an ulpan (Hebrew school for new immigrants) not far from the city center called Ulpan Morasha. I am starting on Sunday at 8:30. Woohoo! We'll see how that goes. When I got there, one of the teachers started semi-interrogating me, trying to figure out how much Hebrew I know. Apparently, although I can ask all sorts of questions and get around alright, my Hebrew sucks. So I am starting in the first level. Hopefully I will start learning quickly and not be bored.
So now, I am just waiting until the misrad hapnim opens. Maybe I will get a falafel or something. There is no lack of AMAZING food here. Baruch hashem! Thank god!!
Signing off.

Three Days to Go...

2006-10-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

Thus begins the countdown to the beginning of the end. Everyone I see has been asking me the same questions: "When do you leave?" and "How do you feel?"
I leave on Thursday, take Amtrak down to LA (yes, it's long, 28 hours of long), and leave LAX on Sunday for a non-stop (that's right, no stops whatsoever. at. all.) flight to TLV (Tel Aviv-Yafo). The TLV airport is not actually in Tel Aviv, as LAX is in LA and PDX is in Portland. The airport is actually called Ben-Gurion International and is named after Israel's greatest pioneer and first prime minister. It is just outside of Tel Aviv, on the main highway from Tel-Aviv to Jerusalem. But, who cares? I'm just splitting hairs, nitpicking, insisting that everything be perfect, or at the least accurate. I'm such a stickler. The thing is, Israel is so small (think New Jersey or smaller - about a one hour drive from West to East) that 'just outside of Tel-Aviv' is not Tel-Aviv at all, and moving a green line one mile to the East is the difference between fomenting hatred and violence, and families and children living in the midst of violence and hatred.
The answer to the second question is more complicated, so I will give a shorter answer. I feel great. I feel happy, sad, bold, scared, ballsy, terrified, shaking in my booties, excited, nervous-excited, anxious-excited. I imagine myself standing on the edge of an enormous precipice (sp?), about to leap off and soar into the unknown. I feel as though I am leaning over the edge, trying with all my might to see what's going to happen, to get some glimpse of the future. It is both sunny and bright, and covered with a think pea-soup-like fog at the same time.
Furthermore, I am on a schedule. I am ready to jump. I am in the crouching position, muscles tensed, my mind focused on one thing - taking the leap. BUT I CAN'T, because my ticket says Thursday, 5:10pm. Frustration!!!! Will it never end??!!
And I know that I will look back on this time and miss my parents and my friends and (gasp!) Eugene and the pets and my family. I already do.
But I am ready. It is time. I am ready to follow my dreams.

By the way, this is the one I am going to miss the most:

This is Gracie, my cute, little, adorable 1 yr old cousin. She is the only person (don't tell her) for whom, if she asked me to stay, I would. This photo was taken at her birthday party last weekend.

Just to let you know

2006-10-09T13:50:00.000-07:00

So...I just learned something, in case you wanted to know. 'Blog' for those of you who are, like me, not as quick on the uptake, is an abbreviation for 'web log'. hehe.
I'm glad we cleared that up.

Sukkah!!!

2006-10-09T13:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, it has finally happened. Joanna has built a sukkah!
I slept in it the first night, ate lunch in it a few days ago, but I am a weenie when it's cold outside and haven't been out to eat or sleep in it since. Thus I am moving to the Mediterranean, where it's warm, most of the time.

For information on what I'm talking about:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sukkot

Been Down So Long...

2006-10-08T22:06:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to me! I haven't blogged in like forever!
Hey!
Wait a minute! Now, before you start with the accusations (You're so lazy, Joanna!) and the assumptions (You just don't care about your non-existent blog audience, do you?), I have some very good reasons why I have been away for almost three weeks. I wanted to get on my computer, sit down in a nice coffee shop somewhere and write you some nice posts. I wanted to tell you what was going on, but I couldn't. Why? You might ask.
Because some mean, crazy, stupid people broke into my house and took off with my laptop. From my desk. While. I. was. sleeping. in. my. bed. three. feet. from. my. desk. Creepy, huh?
They also grabbed my purse with my cell phone, wallet, and some nice chap stick from my best friend Jena, and my dad's wallet from the kitchen counter.

By the way, if those creeps are reading this, GOD. will. give. me. justice. You will reap what you have sown. You need to find a new hobby other than ripping innocent people off for your fix. Get a job.

Anyway, I'm mostly over it. It isn't the loss of material possessions that gets me down (although I loved that purse, and there were some pictures and peoples' contact information that are now gone), but the fact that somebody entered my house, was in my room while I was sleeping (ick!), and violated the safe space in which I live is too much for me.

By the way, if anyone I know is reading this who wants me to have their contact information, send it to me at jscheyer at comcast dot net (jscheyer@comcast.net). Send a phone number, address and email. I have nothing. I have none of the numbers that were in my cell phone, nor the addresses and emails I had transfered to my computer from little scraps of paper.

Well, that's it. I'll try to post some pictures of my sukkah - the first I've ever built! Yay me!

As Promised...

2006-09-18T13:43:00.000-07:00

A few words about the Sochnut Yehudit, aka the Jewish Agency.
According to our friend, Wikipedia, there have been two Jewish Agencies in the past 100 years. The first, the Jewish Agency for Palestine, was established in 1923, while Palestine was under the British Mandate (1917-1948). It was a Zionist organization, formed with the intention of facilitating Jewish immigration to Palestine and acting as a quasi-governmental organization which served to represent the Jewish community in Palestine in its dealings with the British and other world governments. The Agency was officially recognized by the British in 1929. Its military wing, the Haganah, was at the time an illegal militia; after the state's establishment in 1948, it became the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces), known by its acronym Tzahal (צה"ל) in Israel. Israel was established on May 14, 1948. The Jewish Agency became the government of Israel, and David Ben Gurion, the leader of the J.A., became its first Prime Minister. Israel's main airport, near Tel Aviv, is named after him.

The second Jewish Agency, the Jewish Agency of Israel, was created in 1948 "to facilitate economic development and the absorption of immigrants". Apparently, the Jewish Agency is the brunt of many jokes in Israel about its immobile and incompetent bureaucracy. Funny, I thought the bureaucracy jokes were about Israel in general...

Relevant terms defined:
Yehudit: Hebrew for Jewish (fem.)
Tzahal/IDF: Israeli Defense Forces, i.e. the Israeli Army

Info provided courtesy of Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_Agency
Jewish Agency's homepage: www.jewishagency.org

Officially Official...No Really!

2006-09-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

It's official. I am officially approved for aliyah. Yay me! (**Applause**)
My shaliach called me on Tuesday evening to give me the good news. I only remember the first part of the conversation; it went something like this:
"Hello?" (groggy from having spent the entire previous day puking my guts out and having lost five pounds as a result).
"Joanna?"
"Noa?" (My shaliach's name. Although in America, we generally think of Noa(h) as being a boy's name, in Israel the boy's name is pronounced Noach,
with the guttural "ch" sound at the end. Noa, with a soft, open ending is a girl's name.
"Congratulations!!!"
"Really?"
"Yes! You're all approved, ready to go".
**SIGH*** "That's great!"
"I am so excited for you!"
I don't remember any more of the conversation because she then proceeded to tell me the rest of what I needed to do in great detail, after which I asked very pointedly, "Is there any way you could just email or fax these instructions to me?" I was banking on this, seeing how I hadn't written anything she had said down and remembered it not at all. "Of course, of course...By the way (after fifteen minutes of telling me what to do), is this a good time?"

So, just in case you are curious, I thought I'd provide a quick recap of the process and what I have left to do.
Apparently, when one moves to Israel and obtains citizenship, there are a few paths one can take. I opted to go through the Jewish Agency for Israel (sochnut In Hebrew). I'll post more about that agency later.
Last winter, I contacted the San Francisco office of the Jewish Agency, requested a packet for making aliyah and sent it in at the beginning of the summer. To complete the packet, I had to fill out a questionnaire, a health declaration (I guess they want to know that I'm not going to die with them having to foot the bill), a visa application, a record of my entries into Israel and when I left as well (with the relevant pages of my passport copied and the copies included), and a few other things, like a signed declaration of my intent to make aliyah and some not too flattering passport pictures.
My shaliach approved me, confirming to me that my conservative-less-that-orthodox-conversion really was enough, even though I most likely will not be considered Jewish enough by the Rabbinic courts, which are controlled by the Orthodox. No matter. Then, just last week Israel approved me, which is what she called to tell me. That makes it official.
So what's left to do? Well, I already confirmed my flight. I leave from LAX on the 29th of October. Now, once I get a packet in the mail from Noa with visa documents, I will send in to the consulate for my visa.
That's it! Sometimes it seems like a really simple, uncomplicated process. Sometimes...

Relevant terms defined:
Aliyah: immigrating to Israel (literally: ascent). Used in the following context: "I am hoping to make aliyah at the end of October". In Israel, however, because of the verb you say: "I am doing aliyah".
Sochnut: agency, more specifically referring to the Jewish Agency for Israel. Pronounced SOH-CH-NUTE. Remember that guttural ch, in the back of your throat.
Shaliach: Emissary or agent, as defined in my dictionary. My shaliach, Noa, has been the one processing my paperwork, helping me get my flight and my visa, and literally being my go-between with Israel, helping make my move as smooth as possible. Pronounced: SHAH-LEE-AHCH. Again, the ch, in the back of your throat.

Hm...

2006-09-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

Dad sent me this today. It's worth a read.

"Dennis Miller is a comedian who has a show called Dennis Miller Live on HBO.
He is not Jewish.
He recently said the following about the Mideast situation:

'A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you really need.

Here we go:
The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really a modern invention.
Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there were no "Palestinians."

As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."

So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" anymore to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths, until someone points out they're being taped.
Instead, let's call them what they are: "Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."
I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters."

Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country. Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't.
They could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at Camp David but if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way to make a living.

That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel.
They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course -- that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.

Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity" as their textbooks call it --for the last fifty years, has allowed the rulers of Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's Earth . . . you know that's really saying something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about the great history and culture of the Muslim Middle East. Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.

Chew this around & spit it out: 500 million Arabs; 5 million Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that, if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals.. Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive every Jew into the sea?

Oh, that? We were just kidding.

My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse the Numbers. Imagine 500 million Jews and 5 million Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it.

Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves?
Of course not.
Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea?
Nonsense.
Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents?
Impossible.
Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children?
Disgusting.

No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death.

Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that, with vital operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models who've just had their drugs taken away.
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral weight. We've already lost some.
After September 11th, our president told us and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that supported them.

Beautiful.

Then the Israelis, after months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City every week (and then every day), start to do the same thing we did, and we tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan.

Please feel free to pass this along to your friends
Walk in peace! Be Happy! Have a wonderful life!'

Dinner on Me

2006-08-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

Last night, Jena & Adam and Laura & Barry came over for dinner. I cooked. The parents cleaned up. Very therapeutic. Then we all went to Sweet Life for dessert. It all added up to quite a decadent evening.

Here’s the Israeli salad recipe, the best I’ve ever made:
4 small plum tomatoes
2 cukes, peeled
3 scallions
1/2 cup parsley
1/4 cup fresh mint
1/4 cup fresh dill
3-4 tbsp olive oil
1 lemon

I personally would have used more tomatoes, but maybe my cukes were just too big. The most important part of Israeli salad is chopping the veggies very small. Not fine, just small. The dill was particularly good with the mint and cucumbers.
I also made spiced roast lamb and roasted red peppers and feta, but those aren’t kosher, especially together, so it’s better not to say anything about them, in case I am ever audited by the “Are-you-Converted-Enough-Inquisition-Society-of-Jews-for-the-Purity-of-Keeping-out-non-Orthodox-Converts”.

A Solution to Katyushas?

2006-08-12T11:51:00.000-07:00

While on Haaretz’s Link English edition website, reading about Olmert’s decision to (finally, to Israelis) authorize the implementation of the IDF’s full-scale ground offensive, I saw this advertisement, placed so very conveniently in the middle of the story.

How absurd! I said to myself. I have to check this out. Remember that Haaretz is a relatively liberal Israeli newspaper, not one known for any type of religious sympathies. So, being the curious cat that I am, I clicked on the ad. This is what I found on the page to which I was sent:

“For thousands of years it has been proven that the Jewish people have the ability to  incapacitate and destroy their enemies through  increased Torah study and prayer.

Sign up now for weekly Torah commentaries.

We invite you to participate in over 15,000 online classes that are currently being attended by about 100,000 people around the world every week.”

What?? I thought I was being sent to a site where I could buy M-26 rockets and nukes in bulk!
Instead I am being told that my clicking on this picture and studying Torah from these people has some supernatural effect on whether or not cities in Northern Israel are bombarded with rocket attacks.
The message is clear, I don’t even need to spell it out for you, but I will: ‘For thousands of years’, the Jewish people have been subject to persecution and torment from their enemies, but they were not defeated. How do we know this? The Jewish people, as a nation, still exist today. The Jewish people were able to ‘incapacitate and destroy their enemies’, i.e. win.
How did they do this?
How did they finagle getting thousands of slaves out of Egypt, one of the most technologically and architecturally advanced societies at that time? Okay, maybe the Egyptians weren’t that good at security. They should take some help from Israel.
How did the Jewish people manage to retain their cohesiveness in exile when all evidence pointed to a contrary outcome, one that plagued the Northern tribes after they were defeated and dispersed by the Assyrians in the 8th century BCE, namely assimilation?
How did a small but highly organized and motivated Jewish community in pre-Israel Palestine defeat the armies of six nations and declare independence less than a decade after six million were killed in Europe?
The solution, according to this organization – Yad Avraham (“Hand of Abraham”) is that the Jewish people were able to defeat their enemies because they were engaged in ‘increased Torah study and prayer’.
At some level, this is an accurate claim, although there are some holes to fill.
True enough, one of the reasons the Jews did not fall prey to the ills of assimilation and loss of identity was their Torah study and prayer. By the common era (0 CE), the Jews had a codified collection of writings known as the Tanakh (an acronym for the three sections – Torah (Law), Nevi’im (Prophets) and Ketuvim (Writings)), also known as the Hebrew Bible or New Testament to Christians. By 500 CE, the Babylonian Talmud, the fundamental source of Jewish law, was completed. Jewish communities around the world also followed a similar liturgy in synagogue and in daily prayer. Thus Torah study of a standard codification of Jewish law, such as the Talmud, and prayer of a similar liturgy and content, served to united Jewish communities around the world, whether they lived in Lisbon, Bialystok, Cairo, or New York City. This unity allowed the Jewish people to ‘incapacitate and destroy’ the evils of assimilation and loss of identity, which, for the Jewish people, meant extermination.
In this sense, Yad Avraham’s claim that Torah study and prayer were for the Jewish people what General Patton was for the US in WWII.
In another very important sense, I reject the notion that studying Torah will destroy Hizbullah. Torah study did not save the Jews of Europe from the gas chambers, and to my knowledge, prayer did not avert atrocities such as the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition and the massacre of Israeli athletes by Black September at the 1972 Munich Olympics. Pious, righteous and Torah-studying Jews wi
The other side of this claim disturbs me as well. If the Jewish people are not engaged in ‘increased Torah study and prayer’, bad things will happen. In other words, if there are atrocities, if Jews are killed or seemingly unable to annihilate their enemies, they are being punished for not engaging in these activities – for not studying Torah.
I accept that the study of Torah for its own sake has united the Jewish people, giving them strength and wisdom, but I reject the notion that lack of Torah study has brought the Katyushas or that, by studying Torah, I can stop them. Maybe I am too much of a skeptic.

Potty Training the Neighbors

2006-07-25T10:24:00.000-07:00

So, I have been sitting here reading my morning news, and the neighbor kid (in the backyard behind us) will NOT stop screaming. Apparently he didn't tell mom that he had 'to potty'. All I got from the punctuated syllables between the sobs was "I wa.....nt sbusbsb!!" Mom, with her hands on her hips: "Are you gonna tell me next time you have to go potty?" "Yeeeess! Sob!" "Grab your pants then, right over there!" Potty training! Whew! That's one part of parenting I'd rather skip. Don't they just come out that way?
Okay, now we're getting somewhere. He finally stopped the screaming. What is it that causes kids to scream like that? Sometimes I feel like screaming, but I don't. Do these kids feel the same way and just express it more openly? Do they have no concept of the social stigma on screaming at the top of your lungs, tearing off all your clothes and running around with tears running down your cheeks?

What do you do when it's 100 degrees (Farenheit)??

2006-07-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

Look at me! I'm floating!

Ahhh! There's a fish nibbling on my belly button! Ouch! Stop!

(Thrashing, splashing. Joanna gets pulled under, is gone for a whole minute. She reemerges, having defeated the trout.

Dad quickly builds a fire and roasts the little bugger. When it has burned to a savory crisp, Sir Oliver sneaks up from behind and steals their dinner. He swallows it whole. Is there more? Urp.)

Rubber Bands

2006-07-18T22:24:00.000-07:00

Meet Zorro - quite dignified, majestic and arrogant to boot. Never has such a magnificent animal, no, being ever existed or will ever come into being again (you might say it's all in his head).
But Zorro has a secret, a fetish, if you will. Zorro, the masked cat of mystery, the fierce feline fighter, the mighty hunter, eats rubber bands.
"A cat that eats rubber bands," you say. "Absurd! Unheard of!"
You don't believe it?
Neither do I.
Mother is convinced that Zorro has a secret stash somewhere, where he deposits all the rubber bands he captures. Know where it is, mom? It's called a litter box. Yick!
It's really turning into a problem. Not a few times have I been awoken by a great tuxedo-clad beast standing on my chest, sniffing all over my neck. Oops! Forgot to take the rubber band out from under my pillow. That could have been fatal!
The funniest part of this...er...thing are the comic strips that have been turning up in the funnies lately. Seems that someone else has the same fetish. See the 'Get Fuzzy' strips below:

Maybe I need to take Mr. Zorro to therapy with me tomorrow...

I'm baa-aack!

2006-07-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

Where did I go? Uh, nowhere. Well, I started this blog last year in a fit of whining about my boss at the YMCA. I lasted three posts. I think two people have read my blog. Me...and one other guy who left some comment about my first post. He said it was good...obviously he didn't read it. LIAR!!
Seriously, I have a much er shall we say more constructive reason for keeping this blog up to date. I grew up in Eugene (with a seven year stint an hour up the freeway in Salem), OR. (That's Orygun for you poor pronunciation-challenged people. NOT AR-E-GAN). And I am making the big move overseas in about two months. Moving to Israel. You may think I am crazy, especially with all the Hizbullah stuff going on right now, but I am not. We'll just leave it at that.
I thought it would be a good idea ('cause I am just smart like that) to keep an online journal with art (photos) and letters (entries) to let the people back here in the states in on the secret of my life in Israel. I'll try to post regularly, and I have started early so I can let you all know (maybe) just what it is like for someone like me to make such a huge move (yikes).
Well, that's it. Happy hunting!!
Signing off

She's my what? My manager? My boss??

2005-11-21T23:44:00.000-08:00

So, I went to work tonight without a care in the world and no plans whatsoever to terminate my position as a lifeguard at the YMCA.
There's a reason I work in the evening and not during the day, and it's not because I am in school. Hey, I'm in college; I could work most of the day if I wanted to. No, it's not that. It's my boss, JM. I don't go to work until 7pm so there will be absolutely no chance I will have to work with my boss in the building. "It couldn't be that bad", you ask, innocently, "could it?" Oh, trust me, it could. What I knew before tonight, what problems I had with my boss, all minor issues, nothing to quit over. Besides, I am not a quitter. I don't fall back unless there's no other option or unless the situation becomes hazardous to my health.
It wasn't bad enough that JM just became a lifeguard in February 2005 and then was hired as the aquatics director four months later. If you work in this business, you know what I am talking about. Imagine a lawyer fresh out of law school being hired as the attorney general and you might begin to get a glimpse of how aggrivating it must be to have this person tell me (a lifeguard for going on 6 years) what to do and how to do my job. It's pretty pathetic.
Furthermore, since she took the helm of our humble aquatics facility in June, JM has instituted monthly inservices. These are short sessions in which we are tested on, or practice, our skills. Does it bother anyone else that, in regard to these essential-for-lifesaving skills, JM is the worst lifeguard I have ever seen???
As if all this weren't enough, JM doesn't seem to give a shit about anyone's life but her own. Okay for regular employees, bad bad bad for managers (are you taking notes?)..the details would only make you more upset (like when I told her my parents were getting divorced and I was crying, she said, "well, it happens. get out there and guard". It happens?? Oy!).

All of this wasn't enough to make me quit (it's much more complicated than I can squeeze in here), what I found out tonight made me want to vomit my brains and scratch my eyeballs out.
A little while ago, our most valuable employee (BW), who also certified us in our skills (the only one who could do this), was suddenly fired. That's right, she didn't quit; JM fired her. Why? Only one person knows, and her lips are sealed, reasonably so. Supposedly, when the now-ex-employee BW was teaching JM, the one who fired BW, her lifeguarding skills for her certification, JM failed the test. That's right, she failed the test. "But wait", you say. "She's a lifeguard now. She must have passed!" Nope, try again. Here's what happened. After JM failed the test, the Director of the Y, DP, forced BW to pass her, paving the way for her to be hired as the Aquatics Director. How sickening!!!! It wouldn't be so bad, except the conspiracy theorist in me sees the connection between this devious circumstance and BW being fired. JM had to fire her, was waiting for a reason to fire her, so BW wouldn't say anything about what happened. Now, if BW says anything about it, her story will be labeled as that of a 'disgruntled employee', end of story.
Now you see why I need a new job?
Oy vey! Good night!

tiferet

Here We Go

2005-11-17T00:08:00.000-08:00

Well, here we go.
I have officially joined the world of bloggers. Amazing, though, I didn't even know what a blog was until a few months ago. At my age, I should be on the uptake for every new thing that comes out. Then again, most of the time I just don't care. There used to be a time when people had entire books, no, entire libraries memorized and could recite them at will. It's not that our brains have de-evolved (well, most of us anyway), but because we are more worried about our ipods, automobiles, and blogs than actually stopping and feeling and listening; either way, its lost into a world of fantasy and unreality inside a little box people stare into for hours on end. Sure, I am the one who always says that it doesn't matter if you have information stuffed into your brain; what matters is if you know where to find the information. Sure, this is true for many things. But all absolutes are dangerous...
In our time there is a general assumption that the more information we have (up to infinity), the better off we are. Is this true?

Well, this is only the beginning of the end (or the end of the beginning, whichever you prefer). But time is short and sleep is a beloved necessity. My dreamworld calls.

Signing off,
Tif'eret